Rat of the Year!
Starting the New Year with a slap in the face!
pope frances ! man of the year???? what an absolute travesty!
What an insult!
What a disgusting slap in the face to all of the survivors of catholic clergy sexual abuse and that church’s shameful cover ups!
And for everyone who fell for their PR spin- SHAME ON YOU !
What the hell is wrong with people, are they so desperate and dependent that they need to have ANY kind of figurehead,ANYONE to follow,regardless of how corrupt or devious ? Are they REALLY so content to be like sheep? cynically used and abused?
I am absolutely disgusted and insulted by this man’s elevation ,but I am beginning to be more disgusted by those who perpetuate this myth!
We all have a brain, in fact the human brain is the most powerful complex structure in the known Universe,and we all have one sitting on our shoulders, what a prize possession!
It has allowed us, HOMO SAPIENS to dominate the EARTH!
It has allowed us to change the course of evolution!
It has allowed us to walk on the moon!
It has allowed us to create beautiful art and music!
And yet so many are prepared, indeed happy, to disregard their own brain and follow a man made narcissistic organisation that has an opinion on every aspect of our lives, and wields so much power that they have millions held in fear of eternal damnation, exclusion, isolation.
Why would you DO that? Why would you ignore overwhelming evidence, and indeed clear common sense, and allow these people to manipulate you?
What an amazing PR machine they do have! But what wouldn’t such an obscenely rich most corrupt organisation pay for this gigantic con?
What else could they do when faced with a spotlight being shone on every sinister corner of their their corrupt organisation?
They would do what every other corrupt organisation would do , they would use their enormous ill gotten gains and wheel out their smiliest faced, charismatic, thick skinned, PR man and launch him on the gullible! And then make him “man of the year!” "rat of the year" would be more apt.
If it were not so sinister, it would be laughable.It just shows what lengths they will go to!
This man is no different from the last,as I keep saying, they just swapped a rat faced snake for a smily faced one -- they are both equally slimy!!
Where is the compassion, humility, even humanity that they purport to preach?
How did their blind followers lose their self respect?
Why do they disregard their own reason and common sense?
Do they not see they are being conned?
Like all narcissists, the church relies on the gullibility of others to feed their enormous and insatiable egos.
And their are thousands who are doing just that!
The only way to deal with a narcissist is to cut off his supply- STOP FEEDING THEM!
I am so Thankful that I know there are decent honourable wonderful people in the World, indeed they are in MY World! My family, and amazing Survivors, and like minded decent human beings, they give me hope ,otherwise, listening to this crap, I am afraid I would despair for the human race.
So in 2014 please!
Use your brain - stop feeding the narcissists!
Sunday, 29 December 2013
To whoever passes by
I was looking on our Survivors Voice Europe website over the Christmas period, and noticing the stats of people viewing it. I wondered who it was who was reading the website at Christmas, and what pages they looked at.
It was a bit worrying to see that there were quite a few hits on the page “Are you having suicidal thoughts” and I hoped with all my heart that whoever looked at that page got some help and hope from the words therein.
I relate to that situation, especially at this time of year when everyone seems to belong somewhere, and the whole world seems to be christian!
There were some who saw our article “watch then wriggle and squirm” which talks of the latest vatican PR stunts.I hoped they would support our battle with that vile narcissistic organisation
There were others who looked at the page that simply says “Smile” and I hoped they would follow our lead and laugh every day!
We have never wanted anything more than to connect with other survivors, and share a few of the empowerment tricks and tools that we have acquired during our own stories.
We KNOW that people who have survived after being sexually abused in the worst way by clergy in their childhood are very strong! They would not have got this far without having some pretty awesome skills. Skills they didn’t ask to have, but those honed by adversity and often despair, for their own survival.
We have never felt the need to become “paid workers”, never felt that our own abuses were a ticket to some kind of professional status.We just want to offer our unswerving support and love to those who, like us , have felt that despair and might need a few more tools in their own survival toolbox.
There is no feeling on Earth as rewarding as seeing someone like us emerge from their despair and take their rightful place as a very precious and irreplaceable child of the Universe.
There is no connection more powerful than to look into the eyes of someone who has experienced your shame and pain, and felt so alone.
There are services and organisations popping up all over the place ( there always are when there is a tragedy!) All claiming to have the answer, all competing for whatever charitable money they deem themselves entitled to.
They go up against other charities for a chunk of whatever little is there to be had.
They compete with cancer research, homelessness, every disease known to man and starving humanity by the million, and I know that many of them pay themselves a wage , maybe hire some admin staff, finance an office, and travel to every corner of the world to be seen at conferences. Then they have to spend their time chasing more funding to keep those services going, to do more of the same! Inevitably, people they are supporting, slip further and further down the list of priorities.
I don’t know if any of these services do any good, but either way, we have never seen that as our role, we know that compassion for our fellow survivors is a great reward in itself.
Not that we have any dislike of money, and occasionally we have had very kind and generous people press some on to us! We prefer not to have it!
So we will only ever use that for something that directly helps survivors.
We are not ungracious, but we would far rather have someone’s time, have them share their skills with us,tell people about us, spread the word, and support us in that way.
We try and make our website a valuable contribution to the recovery of each individual, regardless of where they are in the World.
We may never know them, but that does not matter.
Over the last few weeks I have been asked to endorse a particular therapy, so I would like to say a word about that too.
There are more therapies than there are hairs on our head,some good, some dubious, each one claiming to be the solution.
Rather than endorse any particular model,we prefer to show people what they need to look for in an authentic therapeutic encounter, and avoid becoming a cash cow for some that are not of any use.
We often say if we invented a new therapy and called it “limbic plumb-lining” and advertised it all over the world as the newest latest magic bullet , then we would soon have hundreds of clients!
And there is no doubt that a few of them might even benefit, but not for any good honest reason.
There is someone somewhere who has benefitted from every flaky method under the sun, in fact if you put a bone in someone’s nose and old them to chant twinkle twinkle little star three times a day, there are a few who would swear it had helped them!
But a handful of people benefitting from something is never the point.The reality for many is that the therapist will benefit far more!
I am asked “does that really matter, as long as someone feels they have been helped?” Well yes it bloody well does matter!
Survivors are precious and important and should hold out for the very best!
We suggest people look at our page
“finding a therapist” and see the list of questions they need to ask before they embark on any therapy .
Does this person belong to a reputable professional body,with a disciplinary procedure? Do they have codes of ethics and good practice? How long have they studied? Have they taken exams, do they have continual professional development, a confidentiality policy? Have they had experience in this field? Do they have any allegiance to the church? etc.etc.
An authentic therapist will welcome those questions and be happy that you are taking your recovery seriously!
But then we will get dragged back to the question of money!
Of course therapies cost, people have to earn a living, and have spent many years studying. But any therapist worth their salt will have a sliding scale of costs, and should be asked about them. They should also be able to tell you when you don’t need them!
This is where lawyers can make a difference, by making sure they understand the severity of the damage caused, and fight for enough money for victims of these terrible crimes to be able to afford the best to put them back together, and to choose what they use.
Not everyone needs the same approach, and there is NO such thing as a magic wand !
If there were, we would all be waving it and everyone would live happily ever after!
But until there is, and in the mean time we will continue to speak out against injustice, and add some more tools to that survival toolbox, so you can regain your power!
Feel free to help yourself!
And I will keep watching the number of views on that website, hoping that whoever looks at it will get some help, and send warm and encouraging thoughts to anyone who passes by.
Saturday, 14 December 2013
Survivors Voice Europe promises no hiding place for the Holy See
On January 16th 2014, Survivors Voice Europe will return to Geneva to attend the public
review of the Holy See as part of the 65th Session of the Committee for the Rights of the
Child. Our evidence at the pre-sessional Working Group in June, resulted in the List of
Issues raised by the UNCRC. The Holy See replied, refusing to comply with specific
requests from the UNCRC and this is our response to their statement.
In order to ensure they can not get away with taking this evasive and contradictory
position, we highlight the discrepancies in their reply and make a number of
recommendations to the UN CRC.
Survivors Voice Europe says NO hiding place for the Holy See!
Saturday, 7 December 2013
Hitting the nail on the head!
There are times when I am incensed by what others say about the clergy abuse issues, the pussy footing around, the trivialising of it and the naivete. Then there are times when another survivor seems to get into my head and say exactly what I am thinking!!
One such person is my friend John B from Australia, he is working tirelessly and for me always hits the nail right on the head! here is what he has written to the "Royal Commission" going on at present in Australia, I am just copying his words because I couldn't put it better! (Love to you all in Australia!) Sue X
One such person is my friend John B from Australia, he is working tirelessly and for me always hits the nail right on the head! here is what he has written to the "Royal Commission" going on at present in Australia, I am just copying his words because I couldn't put it better! (Love to you all in Australia!) Sue X
The Royal Commission
Should the Royal Commission investigate the psychological blackmail used against children as a part of the grooming processes leading to sexual and other abuses of children by the religions and their clergy?
The control of the minds of children via the process of threatening with an insurmountable range of lies and deceit is psychological blackmail and child abuse of the worst possible kind.
Controlling the minds of children with fear through threatening them with an eternity in hell as well as total rejection by their entire community and neighbourhood strips away any vestige of personality, dignity and self respect from a child and leaves them in a perpetual state of shock and/or trauma held in permanent place through a perpetual life threat for the rest of their existence. There are no words to describe the horror of this reality; there can only be words of condemnation and rejection on every conceivable moral and ethical ground .
To inflict a child with a trauma that is unresolvable, perpetual and irrevocable for the rest of that persons life unless they comply with the requirements of what we now know and clearly see as an hierarchy with no verifiable evidence for their many claims as deluded, fake and dangerous people willing to engage to the last in a fantasy gone ethically sour and morally toxic a long time ago.
The Catholic and Christian fantasy is a childhood horror story filled with thousands of stories of monstrous crimes over generations towards children.
Crimes that include kidnapping, International trafficking and the sale of children, genocide and political manipulation of entire countries. The psychological torture of entire generations of children to feed the obsessions, vanity and the pockets of morally, ethically and psychologically failed men on every level of humanity at the most basic level of child rearing and causing no harm to others.
Their claim to have control of millions of children's minds is real and yet our governments can see no harm in a culture that is infested with psychologically dubious and damaging fantasies played out on innocent children who can be engaged into committing the most horrendous and devious crimes to defend a claimed good name in the community.
If this fantasy is not brought to and end then the only real chance for many, many years children will have of experiencing a childhood that ensures never again becomes real will become as much a myth as the god that was used against them as children to blackmail and groom them to meet the sexual gratification of their religious and clergy.
I ask the Royal Commission for an issue paper into the psychological effects on children of the ploys, means and methods used to manipulate, control and silence children as was done to so many. If we do not gain a full knowledge of that from this inquiry then we will have failed not once but twice in the most egregious of ways to protect the children of the future.
JohnB
Sue Cox
Survivors Voice Europe
Friday, 6 December 2013
The latest vatican PR stunt!
If it were not so sinister, the latest PR stunt by the vatican would be laughable! In fact one doesn't know wether to laugh or cry at their blatant disregard of their responsibilities regarding centuries of clergy abuse, and the subsequent lies and cover ups.
Yet another slap in the face to Survivors.
We could have almost predicted their next move, and written the script!
Like all narcissists, their strategies are predictable, the church has only one agenda, and that is its facade. They will protect it at all costs, and step over anyone in the process.
The sickening part of that ,of course,is that , once again like archetypal narcissists, their manipulative skills are well honed, and sadly there are an awful lot of people who will fall for them.
In the same week that they have refused to comply with the direct request from the UN to answer accusations put to them by Survivors Voice Europe and others regarding their evidenced breaches of articles of the convention of the rights of the child, the pope has decided to announce a "commission" to address the safeguarding of children and the abuse issues!
Why the hell does he need a "commission" to tell him that raping and sodomising children is a crime against humanity?
That destroying their lives and the lives of many around them is evil.
To tell him that he needs to throw out all of the pedophiles and colluders he is protecting, and hand them over to the laws of the many lands where they have committed their atrocities?
Well, the answer is simple: It is a time wasting , face saving typical piece of bullshit.
The clergy Survivor movement is getting stronger, we are banding together and are no longer isolated. Survivors of clergy abuse are strong people, that strength born out of appalling adversity, and they are no longer malleable and easily stepped on.
We are closing in on these criminals and like rats in a trap they are coming out fighting. They are ratcheting up their strategies because we are shining a spotlight on every dark and sinister part of their organisation.
After the unprecedented and historic resignation of ratzinger, who was so clearly implicated in abuse cover ups.They brought in a politically savvy smily faced Argentinian, who promises to feed the poor , posing with babies at every photographic opportunity.
This is simply his latest and rather clever next PR stunt.
He says he will gather "experts" we have no doubt where their allegiance will be.
He says he will consult "victims" we know they will be the vulnerable , still damaged ones who will be selected because of their unfortunate gullibility.
They will take years over this and stupidly many in the World will applaud his "initiative"
The only way to deal with a narcissist is to stop supplying the fuel for their ego, to thwart their destructive manipulations and to take the reins out of their hands!!
They CANNOT be allowed to police themselves, they have demonstrated time after time their unwillingness and inability to do so.
If they had any real compassion or desire to "do the right thing" they would know that this is absolutely NOT the way to show it.
They have to open up to independent secular scrutiny and be made to adhere to International law.
All Governments need to show their support for independent public enquiries, and they have to stand and be counted otherwise they will be colluding with this church who regards survivors as collateral damage.
Sue Cox co- founder Survivors Voice Europe
Tuesday, 26 November 2013
It all makes Work!
I have been moaning about having to go into hospital, and freaking everyone out, so I think I should clarify!
I have to have an operation to open up my air passages because I don't breathe too well. It seems I also stop breathing entirely in the night which is not generally considered to be a good idea!
problem is, I just had an asthma attack and a chest infection, had lots of steroids which in turn have upset my Reflux condition, and so now I have a sore throat, burning chest and a bloody awful bland diet to stop it happening in theatre!
Because I also have Bronchiectasis, I have to have "postural drainage" and percussion treatment (Thank goodness Gez is such a good drummer, he can practice his paradiddles while bashing my lungs!) But that of course, upsets the reflux even further! So the operation has been postponed till next Tuesday. I am on enough pills to make me rattle!
So it isn't so much a danger, more a balancing act !
At the risk of sounding a bit like an evangelical christian who might say "jesus had a balancing act too"!! -- I can't help seeing the similarities with the abuse issues, this domino effect when one thing goes wrong, has so many implications, and can cause a million knock on outcomes. Which is why I always like to go back to the causes and not just concentrate on the effects.
On a lighter note, I am put in mind of the lovely Flanders and Swann song "The gas man cometh" far before the time of anyone here! But it just goes to show how it all makes work for the working man to do!
Thankyou for all your good thoughts, I wish you were all coming with me!
http://youtu.be/zyeMFSzPgGc
I have to have an operation to open up my air passages because I don't breathe too well. It seems I also stop breathing entirely in the night which is not generally considered to be a good idea!
problem is, I just had an asthma attack and a chest infection, had lots of steroids which in turn have upset my Reflux condition, and so now I have a sore throat, burning chest and a bloody awful bland diet to stop it happening in theatre!
Because I also have Bronchiectasis, I have to have "postural drainage" and percussion treatment (Thank goodness Gez is such a good drummer, he can practice his paradiddles while bashing my lungs!) But that of course, upsets the reflux even further! So the operation has been postponed till next Tuesday. I am on enough pills to make me rattle!
So it isn't so much a danger, more a balancing act !
At the risk of sounding a bit like an evangelical christian who might say "jesus had a balancing act too"!! -- I can't help seeing the similarities with the abuse issues, this domino effect when one thing goes wrong, has so many implications, and can cause a million knock on outcomes. Which is why I always like to go back to the causes and not just concentrate on the effects.
On a lighter note, I am put in mind of the lovely Flanders and Swann song "The gas man cometh" far before the time of anyone here! But it just goes to show how it all makes work for the working man to do!
Thankyou for all your good thoughts, I wish you were all coming with me!
http://youtu.be/zyeMFSzPgGc
Thursday, 7 November 2013
A Rose by any other name!
I keep tweaking away at my “title”, sometimes I think people must wonder why!
There was a time when I referred to myself simply as a “recovered catholic”, but my Australian friends said it made them think I was still in that wretched church!
So in capitol letters I added “Happy Atheist! because I am indeed an atheist - in as much as I don’t believe in god or any other “out of this world” concept .(apart from the wonders that science will, no doubt, in the future ,unfold)
I am not an agnostic or a “don’t know” I am very definitely atheist!
This does not take away any magic for me, The wonders and majesty of the World is more potent,now I understand the origins of the Universe, and the way we have evolved to be a benevolent intelligent species.
In some ways there can be an aggressive tone to atheism, and in the atheist movement there is sometimes an overtone of militancy similar to that which we have accused the church of for years.
Quite often that is the perception that others have of atheists, and I fear that while there is any kind of rigid offensive argumentative thinking, that image will remain.
I do support however, the fight of my atheist friends who are persecuted in countries that are not fortunate enough to have their lack of belief respected.
But if I can only listen to those who are identical to me I will miss out!
I would miss out on all of the other wonderful human beings who have influenced me and have shown me their compassion and love even though they come from a very different angle.
I have to say that really dislike being round evangelical religious people, not only because it is a trigger for me
(I grew up with horrible examples around me) but because I always feel their agenda is constantly trying to convert, and therefore I don’t ever get to the real person.
When the veils came off my eyes, and the fearfilled indoctrination started to weaken , my re-found excitement about physics gave me a more realistic understanding of the Universe, and I was aware that for me, the garden is very beautiful - I do not need fairies at the bottom of it !
After years of pain and fear, not to mention the sordidness of active addiction, in my centre I craved cleanness and to have the ability to just live along decent lines.
I had looked at all all manner of religions over the years, I found them all to be pretty similar, many of them claim in their “adverts”, a desire to help and care for others, but most of them are bigoted and aggressive, and I found them distinctly lacking.
Any respect I have , in the words of a Dirk Bogarde film is in “the singer not the song”! The singers often sing quite beautifully (albeit deludedly) the song, however is absolutely wasted on me.
They are all full of evangelical people, and why wouldn’t they be? one would expect someone with fervent beliefs to be evangelical, but none of them seem to do what they say on the tin.! and I opened a lot of tins!
They have, at their centre, a fundamental belief in a deity of some sort, a real stumbling block for me because I do not share that belief.This is I am quite sure because my befuddled and damaged brain, gradually gained the ability to reason again!
The only thing that has ever spoken to my heart has been an interest humanism, atheism, and also in buddhist practice! (mindfulness and meditation, but without the dogma!.)I suppose it’s affinity with scientific concepts, it’s lack of a deity sits better with my being.The Buddha’s directive to “not listen to anyone, not the teachers, not even the Buddha, but find out for yourself!
was so refreshing to me!!
I have no interest in reincarnation or adhering to all of the “rules” but from my buddhist friends I have learned about meditation, (proven to help the brain!) loving kindness and mindfulness.
From my atheist friends I have learned that being decent is something that does not need a god, or the promise of a reward in heaven in order to want to do the right thing!
There are teachers everywhere, and if I close my mind to them because they don’t quite believe everything I believe, then I will miss out on their humanity.
So I still get a very warm glow from the sort of inspirational quotes that people post on my Facebook page, I still like to see others view of the magic.
If someone gives me a “good luck charm” or a talisman,I value that person so will love the gesture.
If someone tells me they will “pray” for me, I reply that I will “think” for them!
So hence my statement to be very firmly and happily : Atheist - Humanist but with a Buddhist slant!
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Unadulterated Theft
One of the things that really pisses me off is when people take my words and use them as their own! I don’t know why, (I hope it’s not ego!) but it just bugs me!
And it happens all the time. There is one man in particular, who, two days after I say anything, is quoted as saying exactly the same words! I can almost guarantee it! So I am not going to do it to others!
But is it really plagiarism? or is it just that we seem to come to the same realisations at the same time? I hope it is the latter which actually might mean that many of us are on the same page!
And does it really matter all that much when the same message is being circulated?
Well I guess it really does, because we have already had so much taken from us that was not freely given, that these seemingly small things, our words , our thoughts, our identity, our intellectual property is a much prized posession.
I recently received an e mail from my friend John B in Australia, which echoed just what I had been thinking!
I had been looking in a lot more depth at the UN convention on the rights of the child, especially since Ton and I we will return to Geneva in January to listen to the holy see’s answer to our accusations that they are in breach of several of those articles.
That they are in breach is not in dispute, it is patently apparent that they have violated, and continue to violate, the articles in question.
How they will attempt to wriggle out of their responsibilities is also a “given” They certainly always use every dirty trick they can muster , and they have plenty of those, having honed those particular skills over centuries!
What probably won’t be talked about is of course that they are in breach of every child’s human right, when they bully and indoctrinate through fear and threats.
John’s mail read :
This one right a child has, the Church will not protect
Every person has the right to freely choose their religion. No child raised in a Christian or other religion has their right to this safeguard protected.
If the bishop were genuine with regard to protecting the rights of children he would firstly outlaw threatening children with hell. This clearly terrorizes and traumatizes children, for many of them this trauma last a lifetime. Real protection of the child's well-being must free them from any form of threat.
A child properly protected until they are of legal age would not encounter threats of hell, being bonded for life through baptism, being stained with the crimes and sins of their forbears. They would avoid being genitally mutilated to satisfy the religious beliefs of others. They would not be deceived and preyed on via the confessional and they would not be exposed to community protected pedophiles in their churches and their schools.
A child properly protected until they are of legal age would not encounter threats of hell, being bonded for life through baptism, being stained with the crimes and sins of their forbears. They would avoid being genitally mutilated to satisfy the religious beliefs of others. They would not be deceived and preyed on via the confessional and they would not be exposed to community protected pedophiles in their churches and their schools.
The one thing the bishop cannot provide is a system or a method that can say that they have raised a child and protected that child's right to be free to choose whatever religion they may wish upon reaching legal age. Until the Church and other religions can provide this simple basic human right to all children then the bishops words ring hollow and become complicit in the control and the subjugation of children into a system that will claim ownership for the rest of the life of that child.
It is not rocket science. There are no secular objections to protecting this right that children have. The only objections come from a failed hierarchy who will never remit their hold over children as that give them a hold over the adults.
Until this basic is provided for all children and until their right is strictly protected there will be no safe place for any child.
(He was responding to the comments of a US Bishop when addressing Canon Law Society)
Thank you John, for your thoughts, they echo my own.
Almost before a child is old enough to walk, they are filled with fear and threats of HELL and eternal damnation and exclusion. They are given terrifying images of the devil hovering on their shoulder ready to pounce if they don’t adhere to religious laws. They are further traumatised by having to tell all of their innermost thoughts as “sins” in the barbaric confessional,even told they have to atone for their ancestors “sins” all the way back to Adam and eve!
Exclusion is the one of the worst thing for a child to bear and , certainly in my case, was used a lot as a threat and a punishment. I hated it, and feared it.
It certainly did keep me obedient and subservient, because I was so afraid of the exclusion.
So I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I hear the jesuit boast “Give me a child before he is seven and I will show you the man”!
Now THAT is IS unadulterated THEFT!
And It makes me furious when I think of all that wasted potential! The wasted years of indoctrination, and the vast amount of intellectual energy and pain it takes to finally break free of their stranglehold.
Not to mention the thousands who have never been able to.
So when we are asking them to give up their hold on innocent children, we surely already know this wretched organisation will never do that, how can they- when they rely on them to be the next generation of indoctrinated adults.
In Stealing from any child the right to a protected and nurturing childhood, these thieves have proven time after time that
ALL of this religion is child abuse!
Monday, 21 October 2013
"Sticks and stones"
Apparently this month is “Domestic violence awareness month” I “liked” it on my facebook page, I thought about it and of all the people who suffer violence, especially in their home, in what should be a place of safety.
Inevitably, and hopefully, without self pity, I thought about the times when I was beaten shitless by my cowardly first husband. I was beaten and kicked and I was terrified of him.
Worse than that he would do his worst when the children were in the house, and in my rather pathetic attempt to shield them from it, I would beg him to wait until they were asleep!
Of course, they often heard it, and in later life my daughter told me how scared she was, hearing me being kicked under the stairs.
I was so damaged and full of self loathing that I thought I deserved the beatings I got, that self loathing was another wonderful “gift” from my catholic upbringing and clergy abuse.
When he was at his worst, we lived in a house where I could see him coming from quite a distance, in those days he wore a black anorak with a yellow stripe on the sleeves. i used to se this “wasp like” vision coming closer and closer, and would get into a blind panic.
Now this man is no longer a part of my life, I don’t even know if he is alive or dead, and I care even less, and I rarely think about him.
But changing trains a while ago I was on a station and I suddenly got into a “blind panic” , most unusual for me, I am not given to anxiety attacks these days!
But I turned my head, and just out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man in a black anorak with a yellow stripe down the sleeves. I hadn’t spotted it, but my brain, in it’s attempt to keep me alive, had registered the threat, and even after thirty five years,put me into “flight or fight” mode - that image is still in there !
That is the power of damage to a human being, those kinds of experiences cause physical changes, that cannot be removed.
But worse than that, is the understanding I now have, that witnessing domestic violence has a similar devastating effects on a child’s brain, and they will have a permanent change because of what they saw. I can hardly bear to think about it.
Even the words they hear and the language used affects them
When we sang “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me “ We were SO wrong!
We cannot do very much about what happened in the past, but we can change the future.
That is why these public awareness campaigns are so important.
Each time we say something , or do something to another human being, we can set of such a negative chain of events which can last a liftetime, and even affect the next generation.
On the other hand, we can also set off a positive chain of events. In what time remains to me, I hope to try and do the latter.
Bleeding the radiators!
In my “Day Job” as a therapist, I am asked a lot about the “psychological” fallout from child abuse, as well as my field of addiction.
There is no doubt “psychological “ stuff is all very evident . The self loathing, the guilt, the despair, disassociation, addiction, self harm etc.etc.etc., the long term effects are very well known and documented.
But “psychological”symptoms are just that -symptoms.
The cause is always in a PHYSICAL root, in the physiological changes that have occurred as a result of the abuses, specifically in the brain, and that is what my studies and the teaching in our workshops is all about.
When we have an understanding of the workings of the brain, and therefore can see more clearly HOW these symptoms occur physically, and will inevitably continue, then we can tailor the interventions accordingly.
I guess the point is that I believe that without research and understanding of a given topic such as this, an inconsequential treatment may be given prior to something that could actually work , and might be much more appropriate.
A good analogy might be this :
If your central heating radiators go cold you might have heard that “bleeding” them makes them hot again.However, if this is all you understand about central heating , you will not check that the pilot light is still working or if the gas has run out , and so you can bleed the radiators all you like to no avail.
In fact if you kept doing it ad infinitum you'd drain the system!
A certain treatment is only suitable in a certain situation , and without full knowledge you can't really know which.
So armed with just the knowledge of bleeding radiators and a key, we have a situation whereby, having sweated to bleed them all, with no effect, we then blame the key!
Maybe it is the wrong kind of key?
Maybe there needs to be more than one key? Maybe the key needs to be a different colour? shape? size?
If the problem is not the need to bleed those radiators, it is pointless concentrating on the key! A vast amount of wasted time and energy, and frustration will result.
Far better, I am quite sure, to have a basic understanding of the central heating system!
We unfortunately come across this scenario all the time in treatments, a random approach, often well meaning, but without a FULL understanding of all of the issues.
It is no use trying to re -arrange a jigsaw puzzle to suit our particular piece of it, at best the result will be minimal.
Of course you may get a lucky shot ! you may find that there are occasions when the fault DOES lie in the necessity to “bleed the radiators” - that it has been useful to have that key! In treatment we will always come across someone ,somewhere who has benefitted from pretty much every therapy you can name .
But it is a very big mistake to base the recovery of any vulnerable person on a “lucky shot” -- They do not deserve it!
And if , knowing this, we continue to throw just any intervention at them , then this can only be for our own agenda, and NOT the wellbeing of the person who may badly need help, and who should always be the absolute focus .
There is no such thing as a “one fits all” solution.
If there were such a thing as a magic wand, we would surely all be waving it , and everyone would get better and live happily ever after!
But there are no magic wands! and there is no other condition more in need of an “holistic” approach than this one.
But it has to be from an understanding of the true reality of the damage.
Friday, 18 October 2013
Living Rent Free in my head!
Not able to sleep, head full of “stuff”- hate those nights!
I am so angry when I read about victims suffering all over the place, especially when I hear the church getting away with their abuses, their lies, their total lack of compassion.
I just read the terrible heart breaking story of the young clergy abuse victim in the US who has just committed suicide, sadly, not an uncommon fate for many of us, but never anything but a terrible tragedy.
They caused him to take his life, and yet in their distorted eyes his suicide would be considered a “sin”!
They caused him to take his life, and yet in their distorted eyes his suicide would be considered a “sin”!
They won’t even bury suicides despite being the reason for the suicides !
My lovely friend Chris Tina from Hawaii reiterated my thoughts too when she said the wretched organisation even takes millions from people, including governments everywhere, to provide “programmes” for victims , when they are the reason why someone might need a programme!
They want to offer “healing” to us, while they are the cause of all of the wounds!
They want to abuse us again by disregarding us, and then in order to appear “compassionate” they abuse the more vulnerable among us to further their PR stunts and save face!
They do make me sick!
BUT having said all of that - I am finding that they are spending too much time
in my head!
They are living there rent free!
They don’t pay rent or clean the place, take out the trash or do the washing up! They are in a cushy position and I allow it! I think I need to do what every other self respecting “unpaid landlord” would do. and kick them out!
I am too often “giving them” large chunks of my precious day, and I have so few to spare!
I have always known that the way forward, for me, is to concentrate on “SURVIVAL” and on SURVIVORS, not dwell constantly on the failings of a narcissistic regime, which Iknow is incapable of change! I know how bloody dreadful they are, they continue to disgust me, (but not surprise me) and it is hard not to be incensed when faced with ever increasing tragedies.
It is, for me, all about balance, something I am not very good at for myself, despite my job being to help others with it!
Of course we have to fight these injustices and bear witness for each victim, campaign against these crimes against humanity, of course we have to stand and be counted alongside our fellow victims, but It cannot be my primary objective.
That has to remain the empowerment of survivors, and the celebration of our lives, against all odds.This is where my precious energy needs to be focused.
If I allow these criminals constantly to dominate my thoughts, taking over prime position in my head at no cost to them -
Then they have won again!
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
An Uncarved block
Today I saw a beautiful scan picture of my unborn grandchild!
My lovely daughter, Siobhan is expecting her first baby in April, and we are so thrilled and very excited! Especially I suspect, my other two beautiful teenage grandchildren who will be wonderful with him (or her!)
Looking at that amazing three months scan, and seeing that little face and his/her brain which is perfectly developed and just showing,I am struck with absolute awe.
The understanding of the Human brain is my area of absolute passion, and as I see my grandchild’s actually before my eyes, I marvel at the complexity and power of it, and how that baby at this moment is an “uncarved block”
This baby, I know will be loved, cared for, well looked after, educated without dogmas, protected and cherished, it will be valued for the unique irreplaceable individual that it is, and will bring us all great joy. It will be shown the “Wonders of the World” rather than subjected to the misery.
I am overwhelmed with the absolute imperative to protect these precious innocent lives, and probably even more poignantly so because my own entry into the World, and the subsequent traumas were so different.
My own birth was shrouded in secrecy(I think money changed hands!) and I was brought up in fear and guilt and abuse.They even changed my name. apparently my real name was Christine, but they changed it to Susan.
When my beautiful eldest daughter had her first daughter, she called her Christina!
She told me that it had so appalled her that they had even taken away my name, she somehow wanted to claim that name back for me! I don’t know if I ever told her how much that gesture meant.
When I think of the damage done by so called “men of god” I am sickened and even further incensed tonight. I have always wondered about that saying “what goes around comes around” especially since I see the evil of the church never punished never addressed.
No one on earth has the right to take away that innocence, to carve their evil on that uncarved block, and imprint it there for ever.
If I believed in Hell, I would gladly hope they would rot in it.(thankfully I can now see that Hell was another of the fears they laid on us!)
My own six children were my life, but thanks to that church,and it’s predatory priest, they were burdened with a very damaged Mother, and I am sure they are the wonderful human beings they are now only by sheer luck, rather than good management!
I always seemed to be like Taurus in the China shop of life.
But they are breaking that destructive cycle, they are restoring our family to wholeness and
tonight I am very proud.
There was a time when there was a distinct possibility that I wouldn’t live to see this turning around, I would have been dead from drink or drugs,quite disturbed , I was always a tragedy waiting to happen.
It was their love and the need to try and be there for them, no matter how inadequately, that saved my life. I am so proud of the six beautiful human beings that I gave life to, and their children.
Grandchildren are the most wonderful things in the World, they love you ,and allow you to put a few things right that you maybe got wrong the first time around.
When I first got sober, my sponsor , and friend, Peter told me that as long as I stayed grateful, I would stay sober! And I am not always grateful, I get too busy and complacent and forget.
But tonight I am indeed so grateful. Not to a god, but to all the wonderful human beings that have influenced me and still surround me.
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