Theres a slight flaw!
Well just when I thought I was going to forget about the church and its crap for a few days, the pope decides to make his announcement that says that most of the curia are corrupt, are guilty of spiritual Altzheimers:(No shit Sherlock!)
"Pope Francis has sharply criticised the Vatican bureaucracy in a pre-Christmas address to cardinals complaining of "spiritual Altzheimers" and the terrorism of gossip"
Nothing has changed, same shit - different day.He still churns out the same homophobia, mysogonism, and adherence to an arrogant and abusive doctrine with simply no evidence to support it.
I am still working today, and already I have had two patients who came in and told me how wonderful they think he is "a man of the people" a brave reformer" etc.etc.
Of course I have to listen, it is most inappropriate to throw a tantrum in the treatment room! So I grit my teeth.
This man is no different from all of the others! He has not been parachuted in from Mars unaware of the machinations of his church! He WAS a cardinal and very much part of the whole hierarchy and VERY well aware of the corruption, I am quite sure (Lets not forget his own record in Argentina!)
Just another leg of the PR campaign pantomime he has been brought in to perform. It is amazing what a smiling face can convince people of, reminiscent of Kaa, the snake in Disney's Jungle Book!
My husband has a saying when told of something which is patently full of holes like this and devious to boot, He says "Looking at it from every angle, and listening carefully to your point of view, I can detect a slight flaw in your argument-- It's Bollocks!
Happy Holiday XXX
Monday, 22 December 2014
Eggs are running out!
Well the panel appointed by Theresa May in her "over arching" enquiry into historic sexual abuse has been abandoned! In favour, she says(wiping the egg off her face) of a statutory or Royal commission "type" of enquiry.
I have only one word for that --GOOD!
I strongly suspect that she is now clear that she hasn't a clue what she is dealing with, nor has she a clue who to entrust such a task to, and has also been told by innumerable disgruntled survivors that her panel was wrong and absolutely unfit for purpose.
She was, and is quite out of her depth.
I do suggest she reads our page Be careful in the World of survivors!
http://survivorsvoice-europe.org/?p=6491
Of course it was never going to get anywhere, and I think it has imploded just as I thought about on time!I am not going to waste too much time talking about it, nor will I let it encroach too much on this holiday time, it simply is NOT worth it!These committees, panels, groups etc. achieve very little.
I will however say one thing!
The only way they will ever get to the bottom of anything is to appoint an independant secular body. Professional and highly qualified judiciary who have NO affiliation to any of the organisations investigated. (I would even say that leaves Theresa May out - being a devout Anglican!)
That also means NO survivors! They should not be on that panel.They cannot be unbiased.
Survivors should all, INDIVIDUALLY be called upon to give evidence if they choose to, but that should be handled with the utmost sensitivity and respect.
These people should not be singling out survivor "charities" who say they represent people- they don't.
It is a big job, and could take years, but so it bloody well should! We can no longer accept platitudes or short cuts, or creations of jobs for the boys.
The bleating about "valuable work now wasted" is nonsense.Work that is meaningless SHOULD be abandoned and quickly, and then there is an opportunity to do it properly.
Will they? I don't know. Not sure if I care.
What I do know is despite the government , the church, the parasitic organisations, we will continue supporting and empowering those wonderful people who have survived these monsters, and mourn the many who did not.
Friday, 19 December 2014
We Don't need another Hero!
I have to say after that positive story yesterday, I am back with the same old same old!
Absolutely sickened to hear that yet another well known "victim" of catholic clergy has been appointed to the papal commission into clergy abuse. I don't think there is a sick bag big enough.
Now I could rant and rave about my own personal feelings about this wretched commission, this avoidance tactic, this disgraceful PR stunt by francis, and the cynical exploitation of deluded people. Lets face it, they are simply behaving true to form and I should not be in the least surprised! So it is pointless to comment further on that!
Appointing "victims" seems to be their latest game, hand picked ones of course, those who are still rather pathetically clinging to the indoctrination of their childhood, they sure as hell wouldn't look at an atheist survivor! Despite the fact that there are far more survivors who wouldn't have anything the hell to do with the criminal organisation that fostered the men that abused them.
When asked "why do you think the pontiff singled you out" this man replied "Well I get on with him and I think he saw something in me"!
Yes he certainly did! It is called Sycophancy! They can spot a sycophant at 500 miles! They are never going to listen to any of us who see their true colours or hate their narcissism!
But what is disturbing more than anything is that he really believes he has influence!
Thousands of really brave people have been fighting these monsters for years to no avail- but suddenly this one man has the answer! What utter arrogant Bullshit!
And his language is littered with his usual plea for money! He is a prolific scrounger! A consummate sycophant, and when not licking a backside, he is bleating about lack of funding.
Now I don't give a damn what he does in his own life, he can play at being the pope's new best friend as much as he wants, I couldn't care less. I do of course, pity the man because he is a victim of these creeps, and his behaviour must surely be a result of his damage. (I prefer to have that belief otherwise it would mean that he is self serving rather than just deluded.)
What he MUST do however, is stop saying that he represents survivors - he does NOT!
So while we are on this subject of "funding" he also said in his interview "One of the things I will be telling the pope" is that " Survivor organisations will need some serious funding"!!
Well here is the thing:
They do NOT need serious funding, most of them actually need to be disbanded!
What possible use can it be to any survivor for a vast amount of money to be given to an "organisation" instead of directly to him, the victim of the crime!
Why would it benefit a survivor to see money that cash strapped tax payers have donated, being used to pay wages and expensive premises, trips abroad to "conferences" where they will meet other "fund raisers" who will compare notes?
And why would anyone stand rattling a tin in competition with others who have no alternative and desperately needed funding?
Why would anyone fund a charity for "victims"when the head of an organisation says his mission is to "help the church"!
They actually should give it all back!
There is vast a difference between being a "charity" and being "charitable"
Should anyone be paid for compassion? for trying to give a leg up to fellow survivors? Surely this should be a labour of LOVE?
How can anyone warrant appointing themselves as a paid "middle man" - Most survivors do not need one! They are STRONG people who have survived - despite the odds.
After being disempowered for so long and manipulated by others, the last thing we need to do is to give our regained power away to a different flavour of "puppet master"
What we do need is to have our OWN personal voice heard! We are not clones! And we are quite capable of speaking for ourselves.
What we also need are GOOD lawyers who will fight like Rottweilers, and a legal system given some teeth that will give every individual real justice!
Survivors may well need professional therapeutic support as they emerge from their ordeals, but that should be THEIR choice, and should only be the very best. (See our guidelines on "finding a therapist! http://survivorsvoice-europe.org/?page_id=649 )
They may feel that they like to be part of a group, sharing their experience strength and hope, but that does NOT entail "funding"
What these self appointed "middle men" do is give the church a get out of jail card!
When they start donating to these "organisations"- (which they will!) complete with the subtle strings they will attach, they will cut out the survivor and tell him he must settle for whatever these "organisations" feel he should have, and then they will, like the little boy with the plum -smugly sit back and say "What a good boy am I!
The general public, often unaware of the complexity of the issues, may see this as a step forward!
Then the church, that criminal organisation that has abused people for centuries, once again is calling the tune, and people are STILL dancing to it! (see our article Stop dancing with the devil! http://survivorsvoice-europe.org/?p=5961 )
We Don't need another deluded middle man.
We certainly don't need another bloody hero!
Wednesday, 17 December 2014
Practice what you preach!
I heard a heart warming story from my colleague Ton from Holland today. It is rare that I can recount a good outcome for any survivor really, but when it does happen we need to talk about it too, despite the hundreds more that aren't good.
Ton was talking to a friend of his, a survivor of a Jesuit run school where at least forty boys had been horribly abused.
In Holland there are two things going on, there is the "official" survivor group , the leaders of which are busy dividing up between them any money they get from the church, by creating payed jobs for each other and their wives, while arguing with everyone about how the rest should all be spent. Then there is THIS story which came from Ton's friend Raymond.
The head of this particular order has been pro-active and willing to REALLY deal with the shit caused for people by the the clergy abuses.
They employed independant and qualified mediators (with NO affiliation to the church)who saw each survivor individually for about six sessions, before they were ever expected to be in the presence of anyone from the order.
They went into each survivors story, every little detail of how their life had been destroyed, and how they had REALLY suffered. Only then were they asked to talk to the head of the order, who humbly asked "what sort of figure could they each consider for their suffering? Raymond said he did indeed have a figure in mind, but when he told them what that was , he would only be happy if they would just add one euro to that sum. Then he would feel as if they were sincere.
In the end they added far more than one euro, and actually these men, for once and at last feel they have been fairly treated. It wasn't a quick process, it took about four years in total, but it felt as if there was some kind of justice.
This surely is a model to emulate, instead of the church fighting tooth and nail to get out of their responsibilities and give up as little as possible, instead of them giving over lump sums to the heads of "survivor organisations" who can then create incomes for themselves.Instead of this cottage industry that has been created to exploit this tragedy, this is simply a way of doing the RIGHT thing.
Now I do NOT have any illusions, I do NOT believe in their god , and I abhore their arrogant tactics of indoctrination and trauma bonding.
I will never see the church as anything but a force for bad in the world, and the Jesuits particularly have a lot of things to answer for, but for one small group in Holland, and for whatever motive, I for once thought that they were actually trying to practice what they preach.
Sunday, 14 December 2014
Grooming!
I was asked recently to discuss if, and how, I was "groomed" by the priest that abused me?
Well of course there was grooming!
But grooming is not always what people imagine. There was no lost "puppy" to go and look for, no sweeties, or being made to feel like a "special friend".
In fact the dirty, fat, greedy, sweaty, drunken little inadequate rapist with the dog collar didn't really have to do very much at all, it was all pretty much done for him.
I wasn't “groomed” so much by this pedophile; that was already made easy for him by my mother and her family and by their blind faith in a narcissistic, unfeeling church that covers up all of its faults and hides its perpetrators.
It is that church which has been grooming children for centuries. I must have been like "manna from heaven " for him, I was a sitting duck!
It is that church which has been grooming children for centuries. I must have been like "manna from heaven " for him, I was a sitting duck!
Often victims of these criminals are vulnerable in some way, either by their isolation, their disabilities by threats or by their fear of exclusion. I was a prime target, I was a vulnerable disturbed child, obsessed with trying to be "good" terrified of committing sin, and desperately afraid of being cast out by the only pack I knew.
I had been adopted into this fear filled church obsessed family, bought and paid for, and because it was handled badly, and I was older than I perhaps should have been, I had definite "abandonment" issues, as well as the other signs and symptoms of distress.
Later, when my story was discussed in "church circles" they said "that it may have been my adoption that was probably the cause of some of my later damage" - in an attempt to wriggle out of their part in my destruction.
But the pedophile priest knew all about me! He stayed in my home! He knew my background, my fears and vulnerabilities, he had listened to my obsessive over scrupulous child's confessions, and he also knew that in my priest obsessed household he would be protected. That is exactly why he singled me out! I was the perfect sort of weak wildebeest that pedophiles prey on, and that was directly because of fear filled indoctrination.
I have always found from my dealings with the catholic church that they have no concept of the severity of abuse committed by them, and absolutely no concerns about it either. I have found them to be profoundly unskilled, monumentally condescending and disgustingly evasive.
The collusions and cover-ups are further abuse. I have met hundreds of survivors who have been
tormented for more than half a century, and are still very damaged; trying desperately to find a voice.
Of course, pedophiles can be found everywhere, as can repressed celibates, but that is NOT the
problem.
The problem is the environment that the church provides, that allows these crimes to fester. They
create demigods out of inadequates and protect them when they inevitably commit their atrocities.
When each young boy goes into the seminary, he has already been told he is “special", chosen by
god, and way above all others. He is fed that daily line for years as he lives with other repressed boys
in an unnatural and unwholesome environment. By the time he is ordained, he is full of his own
superiority, even told his hands are "sacred" and has a frighteningly distorted view of life.
He is then let loose on the unsuspecting “sheep”he is to shepherd!
Years and years of cruel fearful indoctrination of human beings have provided the church with a
bottomless supply of prey.THAT is how children have been groomed! Far more powerful and cruel than any lost puppy!
The church will not change. Nor does it see there is any necessity for it to change! It considers
itʼs role simply as being for the “glory of god”.(If they actually believe in god!)
They have never been, or even pretended to be, a philanthropic organisation.
Human beings are, in their eyes, here on this earth simply to serve that god in order to gain a
reward in the next life. Of course they will also say that the only route to that next life is through the church. What an incredibly clever way of keeping people afraid and subservient!
Individual happiness is not their agenda, and therefore individual unhappiness is of no consequence.
The catholic church is like a gigantic Petri dish filled with agar, in which bacteria can grow
unhindered. It would be hard to get an antibiotic to deal with such a proliferation of nasties. With
such aggressive bacteria, I would suggest the only answer would be to burn the Petri dish along with its toxic contents!
Wednesday, 10 December 2014
You are stardust!
I don't know about any of you, but when I was taught Physics at school it was taught so badly and was bloody appalling! I didn't learn very much at all apart from how to make pretty pictures with magnets and iron filings, and something else about tuning forks (not a clue what!) so I dropped physics like a ton of hot bricks as soon as I was able.
But as I have grown and recovered from my early indoctrinations and creationist nonsense, I think it was such a bloody shame! If anyone had told me back then that I was "made of stardust" I might have stayed around in those physics lessons to find out why! Stayed to hear the rest of the wonders of the Universe as seen through the eyes of science.
I do that now of course, but I can't help being pissed off that I missed so many years of all that wonder!
It is a wonderful way to start anyone's recovery I think, to begin with the facts - that we are made from the stars, and that we are each a unique irreplaceable individual. There has never been anyone exactly like you before, and there never will be again! You are a "One off".
All the other layers of crap that were layered upon me had to be really stripped down to that in order for me to make any real sense of my existence. Part of nature, part of the universe, part of the stardust makes me feel I have some worth when for many years I felt like an alien in this world that I so badly wanted to be part of.
So my work over the holiday period is to is to finish the book I am writing and to create a stellar "5 star" recovery programme that all survivors - no matter where they come from can use in order to regain their own "stardust" existence.
Science, to me is the only way to do this, so with realevidence, and help from some people who are so much cleverer than I, we can perhaps ignite the passion for freedom and wonder that we have lost sight of during our ordeals.
Along with all of the other cruel lies that kept me tied to that narcissistic regime, I think one of the worst is not allowing me to know the wonderful magical truth of my existence
I am making up for a LOT of lost time, and I want to pass on the cross pollination of thoughts and inspirations that have helped me! In the mean time Keep Twinkling!
Saturday, 6 December 2014
Cynical ? - Moi?
I declined the invitation from the Home Office to attend a meeting yesterday. It was billed as a meeting of "survivor groups" and the Home office regarding the overarching enquiry into Child Sexual Abuse.
They suggested that they would be "listening" to survivors regarding the appointment of a chairperson and "other issues".
Sounds really important doesn't it? Sounds even as if they are taking the plight of the survivors seriously? Sounds perhaps that they are considering doing the "right thing" after decades of burying their heads in the sand? I don't think so! Been to so many of these dangled carrots, never found one to be valuable. (Cynical? - Moi?)
I had real misgivings about it when it was first suggested. (I really should practice what I preach and listen to my own warning voices!)
The way the panel has been appointed has been ridiculous, but the whole organisation of the enquiry can best be described as badly handled, chaotic, dismissive and patronising.
I asked if this was a group meeting or an individual consultation? and I also wanted to know who else would be present?
They confirmed it would be a group of about 15 people, headed by a "chairperson' and would be for one hour!
ONE hour! What the hell use is that? and with fifteen interested parties all wanting a shout! utterly pointless, and actually really quite offensive.
They wouldn't tell me who else was invited "for reasons, they hoped I understood, of the sensitivity of the issue"!
WTF! As if I was not aware of the need for sensitivity and confidentiality!
What THEY were clearly not aware of is that it is quite inappropriate and extremely insensitive, not to mention unprofessional, to ask survivors to attend such an emotive meeting without knowing who they might encounter!
No surprise to me really, this is the way that survivors of abuse have always been treated, disregarded, and perennially sidelined. Wheeled in to give credence to these impotent bodies.
I certainly was not afraid to go, my strategies are well in place for these occasions, but that was not the point. The point was that they did NOT give this any real thought.
This seems to me quite indicative of the government's attitude to this dreadful crime. Let's not dress it up - they arenot without blame, they have known about it for years and kept silent. In any other criminal matter this would have at best been seen as collusion.
Anything that is going to really make a difference has to start with respect and compassion.
This is not the arrival of the cavalry , nor will it be a magic bullet. Unless they have been on Mars for decades, unaware of the world's media, they have been made well aware of these injustices.
Now that the spotlight is on them and other institutions there is a scramble to be seen to be acting. They have had years to show their integrity and horror at these crimes and have remained disinterested. (surely the impending general election can't have anything to do with this sudden interest? )
Other survivor groups are already walking away from any involvement with this enquiry, and the Home Secretary found time in her "oh so busy schedule" to suggest it was a "shame," and that "there is an opportunity here to change things" - setting it up for the "victim blame" that will be the next inevitability when the bloody thing implodes! If we disapprove of their condescending tactics and say NO to them then we are accused of trying to "derail the enquiry!" - It was never"railed!"
But we are quite used to that too!
It was ever thus!
I have been to so many of these meetings in the past, always worried to see some survivors get so excited about the "hope" they are given, and then only to be dumped on.
Get on with your enquiry, no doubt for the next several years, and WE will get on with what really matters and that is looking out for each other!
Wednesday, 3 December 2014
A "New breed of survivor"?
I had a conversation with a lawyer friend this week who remarked that " There is a new breed of survivor coming up - "They seem to want to bash everything"!
(I don't THINK he was including me, but who knows! or cares !!!)
But it did make me think about it.
Is that REALLY what is happening? Are people REALLY knocking everything in sight?
Or is it that there is a "new breed" of empowered survivor coming up that has simply had enough crap!
I think he may have been referring to those who are disapproving of the U.K. "Govt.enquiry", which has quite rightly been criticised for the way the formation of the group has been handled, without any consultation with anyone of note, and then having made appallingly poor choices of chairpersons with "history" and lack of integrity, and then the way that many people are jostling for position.
He may also have been referring to the way some of us criticise this dreadful "cottage industry" that is springing up around these tragedies, everyone creating yet another "charity" everyone looking for a job!
Maybe he meant the way many of us, at all costs , avoidany involvement with the churches etc. who are feeling "entitled" to be consulted and included in the healing process, despite being the criminals.
Perhaps he meant those who don't feel the need to join a group of mutual "victims" but prefer to trust their own hard wired instincts, not wanting to hand over even a small part of their power again after already having had it ripped away from them?
Or is it that some of us are just sick and tired of exploitation? Sick and tired of others feeling that they can speak for us, (ALL of us!) Sick of survivors being manipulated or disregarded as others elevate themselves either for their own agenda, or political gain?
Are we not now saying ENOUGH!
As survivors we are not clones, we are unique irreplaceable individuals and have many differences. There are also of course a lot of similarities!
One of things we do have is a very rare strength! We have survived those bastards and are alive to tell the tale. It has, however left residual scars, of that there is no doubt.
Our “trust barometers” are destroyed, and many of us have spent a lifetime desperately trying to fit into a world that we no longer feel a part of.
I cannot remember a time when I haven't been looking for a "pack"to belong to, I have joined many organisations and groups, many that I felt I could be part of, and it is rare that I am not disillusioned! Because I am so extremely hyper-vigilant! I have a super (some might say overly!) tuned "Bullshit Detector."
Having been damaged so badly, I am highly tuned now in to danger signals , and I soon pick up on people that aren't quite what they appear to be. I always seem to be looking for the "baddie" and it gives me no pleasure to say that I nearly always find them!
I am constantly looking for purity, for something which is authentic, and if it isn't - then I WILL knock it! regardless of who it is.
It is both a survival technique and a curse!
But I will make NO excuses for it!
Authenticity and absolute integrity are the key. (which is why we in our "family" in SVE are so precious to each other!)
Having been damaged so badly, I am highly tuned now in to danger signals , and I soon pick up on people that aren't quite what they appear to be. I always seem to be looking for the "baddie" and it gives me no pleasure to say that I nearly always find them!
I am constantly looking for purity, for something which is authentic, and if it isn't - then I WILL knock it! regardless of who it is.
It is both a survival technique and a curse!
But I will make NO excuses for it!
Authenticity and absolute integrity are the key. (which is why we in our "family" in SVE are so precious to each other!)
Our survival skills are not innate, they have been honed by dreadful adversity and are what have allowed us to survive, we act from a position of extreme pain. We can never come from any other position.We are often fighting for our lives.
~So if I hear survivors saying NO! to what others perceive to be good for them, if I hear them criticising flaky practises or ego trips, In fact if I hear them spitting and cursing about injustices, even throwing their rattles out of their prams, then I think that everything is as it should be! Bravo to them! They have been silenced too long!
Every time we hand a bit of our power over to someone else, regardless of how they consider themselves "helping" us, unless they pass the "bullshit test "or the "authenticity meter" we are still easily manipulated and remain defined only by our abuses.
We are MORE than that! We are not totally defined by our abuses, we are multifaceted individuals.
Having been subjugated for so long, and to then at last find our voice, we WILL use it!
And use it to whittle out the bullshit!
Anyone who doesn't recognise that and indeed celebrate it has no place in my world!
~So if I hear survivors saying NO! to what others perceive to be good for them, if I hear them criticising flaky practises or ego trips, In fact if I hear them spitting and cursing about injustices, even throwing their rattles out of their prams, then I think that everything is as it should be! Bravo to them! They have been silenced too long!
Every time we hand a bit of our power over to someone else, regardless of how they consider themselves "helping" us, unless they pass the "bullshit test "or the "authenticity meter" we are still easily manipulated and remain defined only by our abuses.
We are MORE than that! We are not totally defined by our abuses, we are multifaceted individuals.
Having been subjugated for so long, and to then at last find our voice, we WILL use it!
And use it to whittle out the bullshit!
Anyone who doesn't recognise that and indeed celebrate it has no place in my world!
Sunday, 30 November 2014
Modern Slavery?
He goes on to say that the vatican have asked him to concentrate on, and look further into modern slavery!
Well (you stupid bastard !) what do you think being hijacked and indoctrinated FROM BIRTH by a cruel judgemental narcissistic church and being made to be terrified of everything but breathing should be called if not slavery?
To further be terrified of dying in case you haven't measured up to their man made rules and nonsensical doctrine.
What do you call being trauma bonded to this regime, where even as a small child you have to "confess" your "sins" to the abuser behind the grill and where even your innermost thoughts are known to an all knowing vengeful mythical being?
What name would you give to the regime that sets itself up to be the moral benchmark for everyone else and yet sanctions the abuse of innocents? protects the abusers and covers up their crimes against humanity.?
Being made to adhere to every pronouncement of a man who says he is "infallable" and holds your entire life in his hands as well as your after life?
What would you call the life of a child who has been violated and cast aside, desperately still trying to be part of the only "pack" they have ever known, sacrificing justice for themselves because to be excluded from this pack is terrifying. SLAVERY!!!
He says that they act from "compassion and understanding" NOT guilt!
Well you ARE guilty! And you know NOTHING of compassion and you certainly do NOT have any understanding!
The catholic church and its heirarchy are GUILTY of crimes against children and humanity,
So your job Nicholls should be even easier and a lot quicker than the "minor problem" you consider clergy abuse!
Instead of worrying about the hundreds of thousands of people your clergy have damaged,
You can go back and report to the vatican and tell them
EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM IS SLAVERY!!
http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/news/uk_news/article1490179.ece?CMP=OTH-gnws-standard-2014_11_30
Wednesday, 26 November 2014
The pedophile next door
BBC radio asked me to watch last night's channel four documentary "The Pedophile Next Door" and then they would telephone me to discuss it live today.
So I watched it, and often I don't watch everything like this, usually for my own sanity! The same as I don't always watch programmes about addiction, I always find they either get it wildly wrong and it pisses me off, or they get it right, in which case I don't need to watch it!
So I watched the programme and then they phoned to ask my thoughts. The first thought was that the interviewer was like a bloody red coat in a holiday camp! as much depth and gravitas as a candy floss, and that was irritating, and inevitably her questions came from a candy floss thought process which was even more irritating!
The programme itself had some merit, but had an awful lot of low points too. The central theme was about a "pedophile" Eddie, who came forward on camera and said he didn't ever "act out" and complained that there is no "help out there" for people like him.
There was a dubious research person who said she had lost her job because her research had found that there were many "pedophiles" like Eddie who needed help before they begin to offend, and seemed to think this is a new angle, and one that had gained her some controversy. She seemed to berate the parents in estates where known pedophiles live for rioting and "witch hunting"
But here is the thing!
It is our evolutionary imperative to protect our young. It is primal and normal and correct. Parents are bound to react violently when they feel their children are vulnerable. When we stop doing that we are de humanised.
It is also correct that pedophiles "cannot help" having sexual feelings towards children.That is what they do.
But in the absence of a magic wand, and knowing that pedophiles cannot change their predilections, we have mental health services and the laws of the land, which should be given more "teeth" and a natural abborhance to crimes against children.
The programme wheeled out a couple of survivors , as usual, for their perspective, and that never fails to make me cry, triggers pressed and heart breaking as I listened to what to us is a familiar pattern.
I must have seen hundreds of these documentaries, and it is always the brave survivors I empathise with. In fact that was pretty much the bit of the
programme that was of most value, showing the true face of abuse, but usually these programmes it is the survivors set the scene and then the others exploit them.
One survivor was asked to meet with Eddie and I am afraid then I really started to balk. This is reminiscent of those who constantly ask if we can "forgive" our rapists, and when told NO! we are then the "baddies" and are blamed for OUR lack of compassion!
I found the whole thing quite confusing, and I didn't come away feeling optimistic about it.
There is always someone who thinks they have found a magic wand, a new angle a different slant.
I was then asked if I now "understood " more about pedophiles!!!!!! - PLEASE ! I understand from a very dark place indeed!
I do not need to bloody understand them any more ! I just need for them to be contained, given therapy where possible to keep them from acting out their desires, and I need for them to face the consequences of any of their actions. I need for the institutions who harbour and protect them to face the full weight of the law. And I want everyone to be aware of the real severity of the damage to the victims of abuse.
I do NOT need for them to be portrayed as martyrs.
I cannot factor them into my world.
I can also "understand" psychopaths, sociopaths terrorists, thieves and rapists, and I cannot factor them into my world either.
My fear is that the kind of mixed messages will result in a distorted view of child abuse , like in a report from the US this week, where some pedophiles are complaining that they are not being treated fairly when homosexuals are "loved and respected"!!!! (WTF!)
It all made me renew my resolve that as Ton and I decided long ago, our contribution as Survivors Voice Europe would remain the connections with, and the empowerment of survivors!
Sunday, 16 November 2014
Nothing sweet about me!
I read lots of non- fiction books of course, lots of inspiring science etc, But The company were quite amazed when I told them that if I read fiction it is very hard core stuff! Nordic Noire, serial killers, thrillers, even Ku Klux Clan!We got to talking about how we make so many assumptions about people, the music they might like the way they may feel about stuff, and it was quite a revelation.
I for example, don't do maudlin sentimentality! It makes me cringe.
I don't listen to slow "meaningful" songs, I like loud rock music - anything that makes me want to dance!
I wouldn't thank anyone for expensive chocolates, but having grown up by the sea I would almost do murder for a stick of rock!
I don't do sickly sweet posts on facebook, I don't enjoy tear jerking christmas adverts or sloppy films!
Does this make me cold heartless bitch? I certainly hope not! !
I love so many things and people, I care passionately about many causes, I just have a different way of thinking about it.
When I was young, I was bombarded with hypocritical over sentimental religious crap, the "beatific" pose of my mother and her sainted sisters concerning all things vaguely catholic The sickly veneer designed to show piety, when underneath there was judgmentality, cruel criticism and abuse. The imperitive to preserve the face of the church, the lies and the threats. Smiling at everyone and yet at home praying for someone to die because they didn't measure up.
Every time I did anything wrong I was told that it was "like going up to the baby jesus in his pram, and SLAPPING him really hard until he cried, and then doing it again and again"
I felt lower than a snakes belly in the grass, which of course was the whole idea!
Emotional blackmail and psycho-terror was what was underneath that pious sickly sweet veneer.
So I don't do it, I don't trust it, and it makes me feel hypocritical.
But I DO have meaningful "talsimen"
I am wearing a silver necklace that Ton bought me when we were in Geneva at the UN.
I wear a ring that I got from Gary's brother at a fete when I was in Boston .
I wear some earrings with the Happy Humanist symbol
Although I left behind the AA programme many years ago, I wear a
bracelet with the AA symbol on it, to remind me how my life was saved.
I have a tattoo on my arm which says "Nicholas" in Chinese , reminds me of my beautiful son who died, and also that I practice Chinese medicine.
My car has a "Darwin" sticker on the bonnet.
I have a clock in the wall of my office made in Nepal of `Bamboo, a treasured memory.
A " Coldstream Guards" shield on another wall to remind me of one of my son's army carreer.
I wear a watch that my very close friend Kim bought me for my sixtieth birthday, Cartier, far too expensive for me but he is so like that1
On the back of my bedroom door, I have all my scarves, although I have never bought a scarf for myself in my life.
There is the one that my beautiful Italian friend Paola gave me, the one that Alda gave me, the one my grandaughter brought back for me from Bolivia, the one that my Nepalese Humanist visitors brought me from Katmandu, the wonderfully finely knitted one that John and Sally Shuster brought me from the US. Others that the children have given me for presents over the years.My house is full of the wonderful paintings that Gez has painted especially for me. And everywhere I turn there is a memory of someone or something that means a lot to me.
Love is what drives me and what sustains me, I just wouldn't feel my heart was safe if it were worn safe on my sleeve!
Friday, 7 November 2014
Brain on duty!
That is what sharing our experience strength and hope is all about.
So I have to "fess up" that I have had a pretty shitty week trying to recover from this operation, and feeling vulnerable and sorry for myself.
The issue of course is all about "triggers" and one of mine is that I hate things that are "done" to me, that I have no control over, regardless of how beneficial they might be. It triggers every hurt and panic that i have ever experienced .
I teach about this all the time, about PTSD and how triggers work and yet when it happens to me again I get into a state of anxiety!
And that really is as it should be! My brain has logged in to those things that are dangerous to me, being out of control is one of them, and when faced with them I will go into "fight or flight" mode, it is a biological saviour! But it doesn't mean it doesn't fell bloody awful!
As I always say, the problem is not about knowing something, it is about feeling it!
The part of the brain that hears the wise words of "it will be ok" "you are getting better" "this is normal" etc. etc. is NOT the part of the brain that is screaming! And it cannot feel anything.
The part that IS screaming is the bit that cannot hear the wise words! All it does is FEEL!
My operation was to straighten my septum and clear my nasal passages so I can breathe more easily, it seems that as well as the other bits and pieces that go along with abuse (and old age!) I have sleep apnoea which means I stop breathing entirely in the night, not healthy habit!
When I saw the consultant recently, he remarked that my breathing is "all over the place" apart from having asthma and bronchiectasis, he asked me "any history of trauma"? It gave me quite a shock.
Of course I know about traumatic breathing in PTSD and i know that I have always struggled with my breathing, but to her the words again make it all so real.
The thing is that it doesn't go away! I know that too, but when faced with the reality of it I was again shocked.
And now because I have been pretty inert, very little energy and have to rest a lot , I was going crazy again! Things were out of my control, and that is a BIG trigger. I have cried buckets, about everything that happened to me, I have felt depressed and inconsequential and self absorbed and guilty.
I felt it didn't matter if I got up in the morning or I didn't, and I was miserable!
But knowing about my brain and how it is hard wired to protect me, understanding why these triggers occur and why ultimately they are a GOOD thing , I can accept it better, and do something about it.
That knowledge has given me the power to get over things quicker, it means I don't have to wallow for too long, and I can use the experience to my own advantage.
Because the fact remains that there will never be a complete wiping of the slate, there will always be things I have to be aware of and avoid, but knowing that my brain has got the power to safeguard me , is wired to allow me to survive -is a great comfort!
(feeling better already!)
Tuesday, 4 November 2014
IT NEVER HURT ME!
And while I am on the subject, when we are looking for justice for the crimes of childhood sexual abuse and institutional cover ups, what on earth would possess us to feel great about going to our legal system? There may be some dedicated and committed lawyers here, but most of the time our archaic system renders them toothless!
When the highest court in our land, the House of Lords is full of landed gentry,who mostly have inherited their titles,half of whom have been to Public schools where "buggering little boys" was almost seen as jolly sport and "It never hurt me" is often their insane justification!
IT WAS CHILD ABUSE you morons!
Top all that with the 26 unelected bishops who have their place in the House of Lords, It does not bode well for fair and just unbiased attitude against those in power who have abused their positions of trust and continue to do so. WTF!
That will Do!
Wonder why people think it is ok to offer a "that will do" approach to clergy abuse?
It is everywhere, and especially as we see the debacle of this "over arching enquiry" in the UK. A cynical "that will do" mentality, to satisfy critics, and then a quick turn around when the Home Secretary realises she hasn't a clue.
She has a "panel" of course, who they are is unclear, how they were chosen is equally unclear, and in the mean time survivors are left feeling sidelined or exploited.
Some victim groups are equally easily satisfied, as long as they get their "funding" or their kudos, they will settle for very little for those they represent. This is NOT acceptable!
It is simply appalling that having survived the worst betrayal of body and trust we should be relegated to the position of vermine scavenging for our needs to be met by unfeeling, ignorant or cynical people with their own agendas.
STOP BLOODY BEGGING!
For Survivors of sexual abuse:
NOTHING but the very BEST will do!
The very BEST legal representation,
The very BEST therapy,
The very BEST choices,
The very BEST and FULL attention to all of the complexities of their plight.
An all inclusive, open and transparent honest attempt to put things right,
Anything less is not good enough!
And if we, as survivors, accept this cynical and condescending attitude, we are accepting a second class place in our world and after what we have all endured, it is simply NOT good enough!
Take your rightful place as the precious irreplaceable unique individual you really are and hold out for the very BEST!
Monday, 3 November 2014
LETTER TO THERESA MAY 3RD NOVEMBER 2014
Enclose a copy of the letter that we are sending today to Theresa May before this becomes any more of a farce!
Dear Home Secretary
I write as the founder of a European-wide network of Survivors of abuse, based here in the Midlands, and as an NGO for the United Nations Commission for the Rights of the Child in relation to child abuse.
I hear today that you are going to be making a statement in the House of Commons to illustrate your plans for the over-arching enquiry into historic child abuse in this country and I also hear that you are going to be consulting survivor groups for their input into this. We welcome this as in order for this inquiry to move forward, we believe that you are going to need to go back to grass roots.
For my organisation and in light of our involvement with the UN CRC in relation to both the Vatican cover-up of abuse and the Committee against Torture, we formally request the opportunity to meet with you to discuss the needs of the thousands of survivors from our organisation, specifically as our expertise is in relation to institutional and clergy abuse.
We take no pleasure is saying this but the truth is that the UK did not fair as well as it might have done in relation to child welfare reviews with the UN in recent years. Yet here we have a unique opportunity to show the rest of the world that we are not afraid to look under our own rocks to see what is crawling there and to deal with it in an authentic, professional, ethical and inspirational way.
What concerns our organisation is that unless this is done correctly and in a thorough and head-on manner, it will simply look like avoidance, box-ticking, additional cover-ups and will undermine the survivor community’s genuine hopes that you are the person to make this happen. If not then it will fall by the wayside as so many other so-called investigations have. Survivors are used to just having something ‘thrown at them’ to shut them up or to appease them, or because other people believe that they know what we need. This inquiry needs to break that trend once and for all.
We believe that we are at a critical and historic moment in relation to how we respond to ever-increasing covered up child abuse cases, and I believe it is up to everyone with a voice to be part of that in a brave and fearless way. This is not a palatable subject, it will be painful to hear and sad to see but to delay any further is costing lives – that is not dramatic, that is the reality and truth of the damage that is being done to survivors every single day. We do not want this inquiry to be another part of that damage.
We have been asked by the UN CRC to report back to them with developments in this arena in our country and we will continue to do that. We want to be able to say as evidence givers that the UK is doing something radical and profound in relation to child abuse and we would hope that this would be something that our government would be behind.
We respectfully believe it would be essential to meet with you and your team in the first instance to put our stance across and to have the opportunity to make our recommendations. Whilst we know that you have appointed a number of individuals to the enquiry team, we have to be very clear and say that nobody on that team speaks for our organisation as our views and professional and ethical methodologies are so vastly different. This should not preclude our ability to have a commentary in how this process evolves and we expect to be given such an opportunity before any further work or nominations to the enquiry board are made.
Yours sincerely
Sue Cox
Monday, 27 October 2014
Just A reminder! again!
Just A Reminder!
I have felt the need to repeat and clarify something I wrote a while ago, about the world of survivors.
There is a lot of talk about “committees” and “enquiries” and “commissions” and “focus groups” , everyone jostling for position at the front etc. So I think it is really important to keep our very simple messages clear and authentic.
Survivors Voice Europe will never tell you what is the right way for you, there is NO such thing as a “magic bullet” and your own human experiences have given you skills and insight that should be valued and indeed celebrated.
What we will do however is collect and show you as many POSSIBILITIES as we can for your emergence out of the piles of shit that have been heaped upon you.
Anyone telling you they have the answer is wrong, and says more about their ego than your recovery.
YOU choose the way you want to be, YOU choose the things you want to change in your life.YOU decide what you want your world to look like as you emerge and then decide who and what can can help you get there.
You are a very precious ,unique and irreplaceable human being and deserve the best.
Anything else diminishes you and does not recognise the strength you have amassed through all of your adversity.
We will never recommend any one person or approach, but if you want a lawyer, in our pages we can suggest what to look for, if you want a therapist, we can show you all of them and suggest what you need to be aware of.If you want a few self help tips or health improvement tools we can give you those. But what we will not do is tell you what to do!
If you do want to talk to us we are here, if you want never talk to us that is also ok! Please use anything there that you find valuable, and leave behind that which you do not.
The World of Survivors
As we begin our fight back, the survivor needs to consider many things, not least the world we are entering!
The world of the clergy abuse survivors is not a particularly pretty world!
It is an ugly subject, one that most people would prefer not to have to think or talk about, including me!
It is, however, even more ugly if we don’t talk about it.
You will find there are many who like to “speak for us” as if we are incapable of doing that ourselves. Those who want to report about the Tsunami who were never even there!
We are not goldfish in a bowl to be stared at ,observed and anylised. We are human beings who have suffered the worst betrayal of body and trust and deserve the best chance to be as whole as possible. We need to learn to make our own decisions about our recovery, and harness that special survivor power we no doubt possess.
In the clergy survivor movement, there are ,many different people, Rather like those who were in that Tsunami, there were saints and sinners, rescuers and looters, heroes and villains. People who did survive, those that did not. The only thing they had in common was that they were, in some capacity or other, part of the disaster.
Similarly, in this world of clergy abuse survivors there are many occupants, strong survivors, damaged victims, many with physical illnesses, there is narcissism, grandiosity and subservience, plenty of mistrust and even paranoia, the mentally ill ,the addicts, the abusers, the prisoners.. and all of it clothed in secrecy and shame.
There are those too, who hover around the periphery of this world, the condescending, the patronising,the exploitative, but also, thankfully , the thoughtful, the respectful, and compassionate.
There are “career” survivors, the therapists (good and bad!) the lawyers (ditto!) The people who want to use this cause to further their political careers, in fact there is a positive cottage industry having been created around this tragedy!
Each one of us has to find our own “niche” the place which sits best with our own sensibilities. There are as many who make a real difference,as there many valid perspectives.
We all make a contribution, and they are all different.
So it is not really helpful to criticise other’s contributions.
But as an “endangered” damaged individual fighting to survive and thrive, I have had to learn to discriminate between what is really good for my recovery, and what is simply good for someone else!
I feel that as a survivor I have to control my own recovery, I may draw on others to help, we have some wonderful supporters, but they can only ever be that - a supporting act!
At survivors Voice Europe we put the Survivor FIRST- we are not interested in expediency or politics, we don’t want money, we won’t accept funding from any organisation(although some kind individuals have insisted on giving to us!)
Anything we are given is put towards funding one of our projects , which directly support survivors, we will not take any money for administration or travel, we are not career survivors, we see our contribution as a labour of LOVE!
We will refuse any contribution from the church or similar organisation, (knowing full well that they have their own agendas!) and we will not any longer jump to anyone’s tune!
We at Survivors Voice Europe don't want "dialogue" with the church , we don't want to "explore the issues" with them, we have no desire to "educate" them we are DONE with them!
We at Survivors Voice Europe don't want "dialogue" with the church , we don't want to "explore the issues" with them, we have no desire to "educate" them we are DONE with them!
We will never recommend anything to any other survivor that we don’t feel we would accept ourselves, and we would expect any ethical, honourable lawyer, therapist, support group, to be open to intense scrutiny! So we will use all our resources to investigate thoroughly anyone who wants to part of this movement, to ensure any exploitation is squashed.
Our focus is, and will remain the individual who has been damaged, how we can connect with each of them, and what we can do to help. We share any skills we have learned freely and with love.
We are not predominantly fighters, although we will get into a fight against the church and other abusers when necessary,( in fact nothing makes my blood boil more than seeing the further abuse by an unfeeling church.)
But our energies are best used in helping with the empowerment of each survivor to enable them to be at their optimum as they go forward and begin to soar above those foul abusers.
We are Survivors, not victims, we don’t need to be pitied or patronised. But we do need, and expect, justice.
We have survived thus far, and retained our dignity, largely through our own survival skills, and we resolve to continue to develop those skills for ourselves and others.
We all had control of our lives taken away once, we need to take great care never to be in that position again!
Thursday, 16 October 2014
FREEDOM -EQUIALITY-SECULARISM !!
I have just been privileged to attend and participate in the wonderful "Religious- Right, Secularism and Civil Rights" conference in London at the weekend.What an amazing experience! What brave and inspiring people! What connections,shared tears, laughter,strength and resolve.
There are many Tyrannical regimes, they may have different faces and names but their tactics and inhumanity are the same. To be part of this was an honour,I wish you could have all shared ! So here is what I presented.
Peter Tatchell chairing the panel introduced Sue Cox this way:
"Sue is the Co-founder of Survivors Voice Europe,a self funding organisation of catholic clergy abuse survivors , Sue was herself the victim of catholic clergy abuse as a child. She describes herself as "a 67 year old grandmother with nine life threatening or life limiting conditions, who has been in her time an alcoholic, addict, serious self harmer with an eating disorder, a victim of clergy sexual abuse and rape , suffered domestic violence and attempted murder and was single Mother of six children! "
Sue Cox :
I bet you cant wait to hear what I’ve got to say after that introduction!
When Peter asked me how I wanted to be introduced, I asked him to do it like that to demonstrate something; How we all are very quick to make assumptions!
Having described me this way, you may already have a picture in your head. A little bit like the charming man had who, after hearing me talk about this at a similar conference, thought it was his civic duty to keep me away from the bar!
I have developed a programme which is used in the Health service, prison service and military health.In 2010 I received a lifetime’s achievement award for my contribution to addiction treatment.
I head a large teaching organisation, and I have personally taught thirteen thousand healthcare workers, including many consultant psychiatrists!I teach in 127 UK prisons.
We all make assumptions!
Peter also told you that I was the single Mother of six children! So the image now may be of the old woman who lived in the shoe! Churning out children and living on benefits
What that image doesn’t say is that although that is perfectly true, I was left with 6 children under twelve when I was 32, I never received benefits or support from my violent ex husband, I worked -and I worked very hard , and now my children are all incredibly well rounded professional people who are an asset to the community.
We all do make assumptions!
Then we come to the bit about having been abused by a catholic priest as a child.
Last Time I spoke at an event like this someone came up to me afterwards and said when they saw it was “Clergy Abuse” survivors, their heart sank because they thought it was “yet another “victim” story”
I can assure you that isn’t what I am going to talk about. My personal story has been told many times, and that is not what this is about, in fact if we continue to dwell on the physical aspect of abuse we are missing the point.
If you look up here and see an old woman who should be pitied then you are making a big assumption!
When we simply focus on the sexual aspect of abuse we are so busy pitying people that we miss the broader more sinister issues.
Survivors voice Europe is very different from other “victim”
groups. For one thing, we focus on the empowerment of survivors, and we are the only organisation to do that very definitely from a Secular, Humanist, Atheist perspective. Today’s event offers my organisation a unique opportunity to delve a little deeper into one of the core principles of Survivors Voice Europe and to illustrate how our ethos keeps all of us that are involved away from that victim label altogether
We are talking today about many different flavours of tyrant! all equally sinister, but I can only speak with authority from the perspective of my dealings with the catholic church. Whilst we talk about the rise of new religious factions and break-away groups and the religious right, I feel that we cannot overlook one of the oldest and largest and most man manipulative religious organisations in the world.
And I say Organisation because that is precisely what it is – a man-made, narcissistic structure who’s tentacles of control and indoctrination go in deep, go in early and are hard to shake off
The catholic church has been destroying peoples lives for two thousand years. And they are still doing just that
.
Their rule is total and they exercise this through humiliation and subjugation (lets not forget that in catholicism even babies are born with original sin!), FEAR - not only of repercussions during our life but fear about what is beyond! The catholic church wants to own us before, during and after our brief moments on this wonderful earth.
And they don’t look like barbarians, in the accepted sense of the word, although their tactics certainly are barbaric. They are educated, high functioning narcissists and like all narcissists they are often charismatic and charming. In that way they “hijack” peoples lives, they take us hostage.
When I was first recovering from addiction I was given this image:
Now, I don’t believe in the devil any more than I believe in god, but it was a very useful analogy..
Imagine your life as a beautiful, fully equipped ship with the potential and everything you need for the voyage in front of you, with the promise that you can go anywhere in the world that you want.
Then the devil hijacks that ship, and while ever you are in the grip of addiction you are powerless to stop his cruel and tyrannical rule. You are in chains, and he continues to rule with cruelty and terror. You are trapped and in dangerous seas.
But in recovery and with a LOT of very hard work, you overthrow that demon, and take back the ship to regain your power.
The devil is then relegated to a slave scrubbing the decks, But he is still barking out instructions! He still thinks he is in charge!
If we even consider listening to that voice for even one moment, we will be soon back in the grips of this narcissist.
Religious organisations, especially the catholic church do exactly the same!They hijack you, they take you hostage!
And then they are the ones deciding the course of your journey, and people like me find ourselves gazing into the horizon at a flotilla of self-driven, un-hijacked vessels heading off into the great unknown! - There is no such thing as the great unknown in catholicism! Everything is planned and steered and woe betide you decide to try to escape, because even then they will threaten you with eternal damnation.
This no different from the many famous hostage situations throughout history; the Normallstorg bank robbery in Stockholm in 1973, Bovensmilde Elementary School, Entebbe, the Libyan Embassy Siege, the taking of Opec or the 3-day crisis for Air France Flight 8696 in 1994 – there are many crises of this nature, some even happening in your average street in your average house.
One elderly survivor of the Air France Flight profoundly described a hostage takers tactics when he commented that ”There was an art to their terror; 30 minutes of relaxation, 30 minutes of torture, you never knew what was next’.
What we know about the brain now is that it is hard-wired to survive at all costs, and the only way to do this is to be hardwired to be afraid of anything that threatens us.
So when, after three days the hostages were released from Normallstorg, it was not inexplicable to us why they would empathise,sympathise and even support the people that had taken them hostage.
Through a studied process of intimidation, death-threats, random seeming kindnesses, isolation then re-integration into the group, lies, secrets etc. the hostages took the safest line possible – get on the side of the threat to stay alive.
Supplication was the only way, this kind of behaviour is something we see in other species too.
We know we integrate as groups, as packs, we now know that this is an important part of social development and cohesion. But what is REPREHENSIBLE is when this unique and inherent skill is used against us.
This is precisely the way that many religious organisations work, and is particularly true of the machinations of the catholic church.
Through cynical observation of the human dynamic, our need to belong is used against us. What happens is that as people who have been ‘taken hostage’ we end up dancing with a charismatic, Svengali-like narcissistic demon,
in a sick and twisted eternal tango which is hard to extricate ourselves from.
At Survivors Voice we KNOW that extrication from the dance is not only possible, but is CRUCIAL. We know also that lack of confidence, lack of self-belief, lack of personal agency, lack of opportunities or hope are not how we started on that beautiful boat full of potential at the beginning of life.
We KNOW that these traits are a direct symptom of the toxic and potentially lethal effects of religious intimidation and menace.
We show that steps to pull away from the need to belong to our captors are NECESSARY we consider that every time we engage in “dialogue”, or in trying to convince our captors that what they are doing is wrong, or trying to plead or beg for recourse – we are continually giving our power away.
We show that steps to pull away from the need to belong to our captors are NECESSARY we consider that every time we engage in “dialogue”, or in trying to convince our captors that what they are doing is wrong, or trying to plead or beg for recourse – we are continually giving our power away.
We are back to taking instructions from the deck scrubbing devil. We are feeding that narcissist and giving it back it’s power,
Our power as survivors lies in going back to our inherent skills of belonging – but belonging to something authentic, somewhere safe where we can be without fear, where our human curiosity is not only celebrated but positively encouraged rather than repressed as sinful or ex communicable!
This is why for us secularism is so important, that deck scrubbing demon which is the catholic church STILL thinks it is in charge, that it can dictate the terms.
We will NOT be entering into “dialogue” again with these narcissists, we will NOT be “exploring the issues” for years on end to no avail, being exploited or re-abused
What you see is definitely NOT what you get.
There IS NO CHANGE in the vatican, they just swapped a rat faced snake with a smily faced one, both equally slimy! Just a smily faced PR man wheeled in to give a better image to a failing regime.
So having extricated ourselves from the grip of the church, it has allowed us to use our skills to empower others, we are now connected with many like minded survivors in Canada, USA, Africa, Australia, Poland, Italy, Russia,Hawaii,Ireland,England,Tasmania,Holland, Spain France and beyond !! Wherever those catholic tentacles have reached, there will be many people who have been damaged.
No longer constrained by that malignant doctrine, we are free to regain our true potential and to take our place with the rest of the human race, using the skills we have acquired to help others.
I cannot categorically prove that all of my health issues and addictions were as a direct result of my childhood abuses, but the scientific research and evidence is compelling and says it is more than probable.
So in my teaching role I am able to teach others about the severity of abuse, and more importantly, what can help.Our courses “Winning the Battle of the abused brain” are doing just that!
In the same way as I didn’t get sober to sit around talking about drink all day, we didn’t get free from the church to sit around constantly talking about our abuses! We have survived, and survivors of abuse are strong people.
These aren’t innate skills, they have been acquired through dreadful adversity, and now they can be used as fertiliser for growth.
We can stand shoulder to shoulder with others who are fighting similar tyrants and together we are a force to be reckoned with!
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