2015 archive

The biggest “con” of all.

I am always on the look out for the big “lie”. That, as I have said many times before, is a legacy from my abusive past, and a result of my trust barometers being set to “hyper-vigilant” and thankfully so, that was my survival instinct kicking in, and saving me from further abuses.

I grew up with all of the veneers that were expected of someone who should be “seen” as a “good catholic”, regardless of what one actually did! It seemed that nothing was really as sinful as being seen to be less than superior to everyone else who had the “misfortune” to NOT belong to that church!

But as I came into a real recovery, when the veils were one by one lifted from my eyes, after the wasted years of being  in the grips of this narcissistic organisation, and spending  years trying to make sense of my existence, I have come to understand that the biggest CON of all is the religion itself!

There is no greater marketing trick than taking something that is freely available to anyone and everyone, claiming it, branding it, re packaging it  and then selling it back to them  to make it appear more valuable!

A bit like taking  the air that you are free to breathe and bottling it ,telling you that it can’t be bought anywhere else and then selling it back to you!

I am specifically talking about the church’s ludicrous claim that they have the monopoly on “Goodness” that they are the keepers of morality! 

I have lost count of how many times I have heard deluded religious people say “Without religion we would have no moral compass, there would be rapists and murderers everywhere”! WTF! 

To say this is insulting is an understatement, but it is nothing compared  to the ruthless cleverness of that almighty CON!

Human beings ARE a benevolent species, it is our natural inclination to be altruistic,  that is part of what it means to be a human being with empathy and shared concerns.

No church of any flavour ever gave us those desires, NATURE did that, evolution did that, and science explains it! 

Not only have they tried to claim it, brand it and repackage it to sell it back to us with threats and fear tactics, but I would go so far as to say that the church actually stifles our natural ability and inclination to do the right thing!

Their man made rules and dogmas, their distorted  attitude to all things sexual, their greed and desperate need for power flies in the face of the altruistic human being.   

That is,  I think the biggest con of all! 

I am so grateful today to have  thrown off the shackles of that slavery and can spend what is left of my life knowing that I am made of stardust, that I am a unique and irreplaceable part of the Universe and that it is not only easy to be “Good without god” but it is our true nature as  human beings.

Mine wasn’t an easy road, for many years I was desperate to “belong” - another natural desire for a human being, and one which the church has used to enslave people for millennia.

Who knew that it was all there for the taking, I DID belong all the time to the HUMAN RACE!

Thursday, 3 December 2015

Giving Tuesday

It was "Giving Tuesday" apparently yesterday, I know that because I had several  impassioned "requests"  for money from survivor groups. 
Now I do not  intend  to criticise other people too much, (people in glass houses and all that!) but I have to say I do wonder about these organisations- what do they actually DO with the money? I know they employ paid workers, and travel all over the world, usually asking anybody and everybody to fund them!  I know they attend conferences and rallies while other survivors send out begging e mails to fund a "survivor's healing" (albeit with a good heart I am sure)
Maybe that is ok with people, I don't know, but I know it is not the way I wanted to contribute.
When I first talked publicly about my abuses, and decided to be a part of the battle for justice for others, I looked all of the existing "charities" It occurred to me that I might be able to help in some way, so I wrote to offer some help.
Most wrote back to me quite quickly and said they would welcome my help - so "What can I do"?-
"FUNDRAISING" fundraising fundraising - that was the only thing they were interested in!
I am told by one that "they could help more people and their families" if they "had MORE money", they could do more work if "They had MORE money" 
It is always the cry "We would love to help but we need MORE money" 
If you go on to the victim websites in the UK the first thing you will be hit with is "welcome to our website" "you are not alone" -  but we need MORE MONEY" ! 

On being asked what the papal commission was going to DO? the token victim who is part of that fiasco said "I don't know - but I have told them "We will need MORE MONEY!" and of course they will probably get it! because throwing a few crumbs to these charities is a whole lot cheaper than actually making proper amends  to survivors, and will certainly give the churches a veneer of benevolence  an  appearance of concern!
Now I am not against money in general, I have to earn a living like everyone else, I also have a few "pet" causes that I try and support, and I have a great deal of admiration for other people's hard work, but I wonder why it involves so much "begging"?
WTF! happened to compassion?
What happened to helping fellow survivors or just fellow human beings because it is the right thing to do? 
What happened to being part of a movement for change, for good, for justice, just because it is the honourable  thing to do? 
Why do these "middle men" need to exist at all if they cannot do so without "MORE MONEY"? Money taints the whole cause for justice.Victims become commodities. 
When I first got into recovery from addiction, I did it with the help of AA, and although I ultimately had to graduate from that fellowship, I am eternally thankful for its members  saving my life. This is a fellowship which has MILLIONS of members, has been responsible for saving many many lives, and  has grown throughout the World from very small beginnings despite the fact that it absolutely REFUSES any money  from outside its ranks, insisting on  being  "self supporting through our own contributions" Obviously there were those who could afford to give more than others, but they all did what they could  out of gratitude.
In fact we always felt privileged to be able to give back to newcomers  a little of what we had received from other recovering addicts. 
Yes,  there were phone helplines, yes there were meetings and literature, yes,  there were ever more people in need, but there was great dignity in taking responsibility and providing for these things ourselves!

The minute that money and prestige enters into the arena they become the main agenda, the driving force.

"Charities" that may have started off with good intentions (one would hope so at least) simply become absorbed with keeping their "business" going, rather than the people they purport to help. 

And in the mean time the churches et al will spend millions on expensive lawyers trying to fight every survivor's case - often to the death !
Apart from  all of this, WHY would  people want to  deny survivors the dignity of being self empowered? Our dignity was cruelly taken from us  and has been  hard to regain, but is even harder from the standpoint of ALWAYS being a victim, always on the receiving end. We have survived and we actually have a lot to give!
Of course in the early days of any kind of recovery, we may need a leg up, a helping hand maybe a shoulder to cry on or a champion of our cause,  some more than others I guess, but why would any survivor want to continue to have someone else "speak" for them when they have fought so hard to have their own voice? And why would any organisation want to keep survivors disempowered if not for their own needs.
Now I know absolutely that as the old adage says "it is far better to give than to receive" and scientific research  will bear that out, we know that we get an abundance of "feel-good" chemicals when we are shown kindness, but it is also a fact that we get far more, in fact a positive avalanche of them when we give to others!
Why would anyone want to deny a survivor that 
pleasure? that elation? that humanity?
As clergy survivors,  we do not have the monopoly on suffering! There  are many others who badly need help, and the best medicine we can have is to GIVE to them, to causes that are as needy as ours instead of competing with them for the little money that people can spare. And as we get stronger - then take great joy in  giving support  to each other, without constantly asking for "MORE MONEY"!

That way we might even make every Tuesday "Giving Tuesday"

Monday, 30 November 2015

Guilt Guilt Guilt!

Listening to the radio this morning, I stumbled upon people talking about the issues of "sin" , what is it?  how do we avoid it,? what constitutes a "sin"?  
Needless to say it was unadulterated sanctimonious claptrap, but it did get me thinking about my own upbringing and how practically everything apart from breathing was considered  "sinful"
I was obsessed with being good! Hardly surprising really when you consider, as I have recounted many times, how I was told aged 5 to kneel and pray for a cousin of mine to die! His "sin" was to be intent on marrying a divorcee, and his Mother(my Aunt) was told by her priest that he would be better off dead than living in "sin" So we were all told to kneel and pray for a "happy death" for Ted. 
So all of my growing up years I was quite convinced that people would be praying for me to die every time I committed a "sin" (which seemed almost all of the time)  It was really quite terrifying, which of course was the object of the exercise! To keep us terrified and in constant fear of hell fire and damnation.The idea that I was born a "sinner" was drummed in at every turn!
The whole concept of "sin" is cruel and appalling and to feed this kind of fear in tiny children is REAL child abuse. 
I was given the image that each time I "sinned" it was like going up to the baby Jesus in his pram and SLAPPING his face really hard (this was accompanied by loud slapping and gestures!) And not only that, but even when his beautiful brown eyes were full of tears, I went and SLAPPED him again!! 
GUILT GUILT GUILT poured on in bucket-loads! I always felt lower than a snake's belly in the grass!
Then of course there was the whole image  of having those "stains of sin" on my soul, which wouldn't come off., no matter how much you scrubbed. (no doubt the beginnings of  one of my later  self harming habits where I scrubbed and scrubbed till I bled!)
The "get out of hell" clause was of course the confessional! That horrifying of places where the priest hiding behind a grill listens to your every sin of "thought word and deed" and then gives you a penance as he absolves you from those terrible sins! 
The implications for that  are massive! Not only is he listening to everyone's innermost thoughts and fears, he is identifying who you are! Who comes from a family that doesn't protect them or who are so priest obsessed that the child will always be sacrificial. He knows who has not paid their taxes, missed going to mass, committed adultery, is maybe into the same fetishes as he is, and as he listens to children's accounts early sexual "fumblings" who knows what he is doing on the other side of that grill! 
It is a grooming box of sickening power abuse possibilities.

And then there is the "sin" hierarchy! There are "mortal sins" which send you packing off to hell pretty damn quick (unless you have told the man behind the grill!)
There are "venial sins" which don't condemn you to hell but give you a bit of time in purgatory (unless you have told the man behind the grill of course! or maybe if you have followed the pope on 'twitter" apparently that will get you a bit of time off purgatory!)
Then there are "sins of omission" which are the ones you have NOT  told the man behind the grill! 
I remember having discussions with other kids, about wether something they were doing was a "sin" or not! If it wasn't on the "list" it must be ok, no matter how unpleasant it actually was.

The ludicrous thing about all of this is of course it is actively stifling the human being's natural desires to be "good" that inherent quality of human beings that are benevolent and decent. 
The catholic church is the antithesis of good!

We are a benevolent species, despite what we hear daily in the media, we naturally want to do right by each other, we are mostly and naturally altruistic.

We do not need these power hungry narcissists with their lists to tell us what the "right thing" is! We already know.

So stick your list of "sins"!

We are human beings and quite capable of being "Good without god!"

Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Thankyou for your son

My Mother in law died and today is her funeral. She was 95 years old and had been quite demented, she hadn't really known who any of us were for many years or indeed even who she was herself. Such a sad thing to see.
I feel sad for my husband, because she was his Mum, but I have to be honest and say she wasn't a particularly nice woman, in fact she was really awful to me and my family when Gez and I first got together! She behaved like a hysterical harpee,  threatening and screaming abuse at me and my children, suggesting they were all from "different fathers" even trying to stab Gez with a knife and fork!
Sounds like the stuff of nightmares, and of course it was for quite some time. It didn't daunt him though, he still wanted to marry me! It sounds like a slushy cliche, but we were very much in love and nothing would have kept us apart. We have now been married for twenty six years.
Over the years we tried to be as kind to her as possible, made sure she had things she needed, and invited her to our house.  But she was never someone that I could have felt close to or warmed to, and my husband never really forgave her for her dreadful behaviour. It was a relationship more of duty than anything else. Also very sad.
The reason I managed to talk to her at all was because I sort of understood her! I am a Mother too and I wondered what it must have felt like to see your son get involved with a divorced woman with six children! I am sure I was not what she had hoped for!! It didn't matter that we were happy, that the children were wonderful kids who loved her son too., all she could see was that I was "soiled goods" as she delicately put it! Had she known the full extent of that "soiling" she probably would have been worse!!
But my husband is remembering her when he was small, that he had  a good Mum  and Dad and he and his brothers were very well cared for, and are all decent chaps. So I am trying  also to think of her as someone who  brought my husband into the world and raised him well, so much so that he has been a great husband to me and a lovely step father to my children.
I was concerned about her funeral, I  find it hard to be too hypocritical and was hoping that the other members of the family wouldn't get into too much religious stuff, or involve me too much! But it seems they all feel the same, we won't be singing hymns, or saying prayers!
So a sad day really, more than anything I feel sad that she didn't have the warm loving relationships that she could have had, she missed out on so much because of her bigotry, but I hope it makes me cherish the relationships in my life more. So thankyou Edna for that reminder, and also for your  wonderful son.  RIP

Friday, 6 November 2015

Butterfly effect!

I do,  I know,  go on about how I have the best job in the World ! and today is no exception!!

I teach all sorts of healthcare workers  and I love them all, you have to be a special sort of person to work at the heavy end of substance misuse, they sure as hell don’t do it for the money! 

In the twenty three years I have been teaching in this field I have taught thirteen and a half thousand healthcare workers! Sometimes I have to pinch myself !

I teach in lots of drug and alcohol services, hospitals, rehabs,etc. and 128 Uk prisons!! I love the idea that if everyone I have ever taught helps ten people (and they help FAR more than that!) then that is 135,000! 
When I first began working in in addiction, it was suggested that each addict affected at least 4 people around him or her, a VERY conservative estimate! But even at that rate that would be  540,000! It is hard to walk away from a job where you can be part of that kind of hopefulness.

And this isn’t work that is done in fancy expensive clinics, often this is in a run down building in a run down part of a city, or a very small service in a little town on the coast, a community project or an NHS service hanging on to it’s funding by it’s fingernails.

I am as always in awe of them all.

But this week I  have been in to three of my usual prisons, and I never fail to come out uplifted, proud of our prison service and privileged to be one of their partners. 

Every time you pick up the papers you hear nothing but bad opinions about our prisons, one thing goes awry  or something violent occurs, an officer maybe makes a mistake, and it is plastered all over the front page of the tabloid press. What they NEVER print are the thousands of good things that happen all the time, how lives are turned around and how many people will ultimately benefit from what they have learned.

One young prison officer told me once that he had been feeling really fed up, demoralised and jaded, and he was dealing with prisoner who had been in prison for five years and showed no sign of engaging in any rehabilitation programmes. He didn’t have visits and never wrote home, and the officer was fed up with trying to help him. Then something happened and  the prisoner suddenly asked for paper and a pen and he  wrote home to his mother. Not such a big deal you might think, but the officer said that in that moment he realised what a difference that would make, the mother would have a smile on her face when she got a letter through the door, and when her husband came home she wouldn’t have been crying, and he therefore wouldn’t get frustrated and angry and take it out of the other kids, who wouldn’t in turn go to school and bully other kids  because they were so unhappy. Not only that but the officer said that he realised HE had been fed up, grumbling at his wife and maybe drinking too much, he resolved to buy her some flowers and take her out and show his appreciation for her. And then I felt better! listening to his  observations and feeling inspired! So  I came back home and maybe felt more gratitude, and maybe wrote a little something about it on my FB page, and so maybe others felt better! 

Good news and integrity doesn’t sell papers! But it creates a positive chain event.You don’t hear of all the fund raising they do for all sorts of causes, of the sponsored head shaving or the marathons being run to maybe help an injured colleague or  child who needs a transplant. But I get to SEE all of that and I am so lucky.

It was never wise words or clever professors or sanctimonious religious people that have impressed me, it has been very ordinary people just like me, going about their daily lives, often doing a job which is mostly thankless, and often dangerous with professionalism , humanity (and a LOT of humour!) and making a real difference in our world that no one ever gets to hear about, simply because they want to do the best they can.

Lots of those positive chains of events being started by maybe one kind act in the most unlikely places and that butterfly effect is set in motion!

Sunday, 1 November 2015

Happy Halloween!!

So the vatican's "chief exorcist" Gabriel Amorth(the mind boggles, are there"apprentice" exorcists and "deputy "exorcists or "baby" exorcists? )  says that that "celebrating halloween is like singing hosannas to Satan", and the reason that children can't sleep and are "suicidal" is because  of this dreadful practice! He says that  "there is danger to young people at Halloween because of the increase in occult activity which fuels insomnia, mental  illness, depression and suicidal thoughts in children"

Frankly I wouldn't want to meet this creep on a dark night!Give me a scary pumpkin any day!

The catholic church says (in the 21st century!) that there is a "spike" in 'possessions" in October due to Halloween. They even have a "helpline" where parents can phone if they suspect their children are "possessed"  
For F...s sake!!!!!!
If there was anything that made me terrified and suicidal when I was a child it was the dreadful terrors the narcissistic catholic church put into my mind!
Baby's who were not baptised floated around in limbo for eternity, burning in hell for ever if you died while not in a state of "grace". 
That omnipotent  puppet-master who watches your every "though word and deed" and decides if you will burn or not (depending on his mood!)
And who could forget the bloody catechism (learned by rote  when young and malleable and embedded deep into our minds)
The suggestion for a child as he or she goes to bed in the catechism is quite clear :- 

Q: How should you finish your day?

A: I should finish my day by kneeling down and saying my night prayers

Q: After your night prayers what should you do?

A: After my night prayers I should observe due modesty in going to bed; I should occupy myself

with the thoughts of death, and endeavour to compose myself to rest at the foot of the cross, and

give my last thoughts to my crucified saviour.

What a great way for a child to end her day! So I would go to sleep with my hands crossed over my

chest (to make sure I didnʼt touch myself!) and with my final thoughts of a tortured, murdered man,the image of whose bloodied, tortured crucified corpse was hung around my neck.

THIS is the stuff of nightmares, THIS is what makes children terrified, and THIS is the worst kind of trauma bonding.
We are outraged in this country at the rise of the african church's terrorising of children accused of being "witches" and yet we listen to these creeps in the vatican doing EXACTLY the same thing!
francis himself is a great believer in possessions and exorcisms, and yet people hail him as being some kind of new broom! 
THESE are the people who are dangerous, and along with their filthy pedophile priests, it is their nonsensical teachings that are 
 THE WORST KIND OF CHILD ABUSE

Godless Grace

                                                        Godless Grace Foundation

Supporting a Better World Through Humanistic Fundraising

It am honoured  be a part of the Godless Grace Foundation, founded by my wonderful friend David Orenstein from New York, and to be a member of the board of trustees.  
David and I were talking this year about how we both felt about the "charities" that prevail, and what we both feel about the acts of giving.
There is a vast difference between being a "charity" and being "charitable"!
I have always been acutely aware of the buzz I get when I have been able to "give" something or do something for someone. Or even the buzz I get when I have witnessed beautiful unselfish acts by others. Sometimes we might feel a bit uncomfortable saying such a thing, it does sound a bit smug!
Now nobody on the planet could accuse me of being Pollyanna! In fact I am quite feisty and often "arsy" and very difficult,  but I have always experienced a real "lift" from these  acts of kindness  which feel almost physical! 
The much quoted  cliche that tells us that "It is better to give than to receive" might make us cringe, probably  because often it is people of a religious persuasion who lay claim to these kind of insights!
But of course that is nonsense! religion has nothing at all to do with it! They do not have the monopoly on kindness!
Being HUMAN is what it is all about!
We are, despite the daily acts of barbarism we hear of daily in the popular press, a benevolent species! We WANT to be good to each other, we have an altruistic core,  also we have learned  that to get along with our fellow beings it is in our best interest! It is about survival.
So perhaps we would feel more comfortable being "givers" if we understood that actually our altruism is really quite selfish!
Knowing for example that although we do get an abundance  of  "feel-good chemicals"in our brain when someone is kind or  compassionate towards us, definitely enhancing our wellbeing, science tells us that we get a  far greater benefit, in fact a positive avalanche if those chemicals when we "give" something or do something for some else, or even if we witness those kind acts, not only will that enhance our wellbeing, but it is shown to  benefit our health and even prolong our lives!  
And unlike being the recipients of things, being able to give is something we can have all the time!
So I wonder why wouldn't we want to  tap into that free "pharmacy" that is readily available to us thanks to our evolved humanity!
I can think of hundreds of wonderful acts that I have witnessed by others that have impressed and inspired me! 
I remember my lovely older daughter, who found herself for a while working as the site secretary to a building company, given the job of building a new operating theatre for the Royal Marsden hospital, one of the greatest cancer hospitals in the world. She was the only girl among 200 builders, architects etc. As they worked, and witnessed the wonderful work of that hospital and saw the patients come and go, they were so moved that they began all sorts of fund raising activities to support the hospital. I am sure that sort of thing happens all the time when decent people actually see the reality of needs. 
But what they DON"T see is that before they put the final plasterboards  on those walls of the operating theatre, when they had installed all the pipes and wires that would be needed , every one of those tough builders along with my daughter wrote personal messages of encouragement and hope for every patient  that passed through that theatre. No one knew they were there.
I remember my son's Mother in law, Enid,  who died sadly after a long battle with cancer.She was a brave and fun lady, who had very little materially. Her funeral was probably the most "uplifting" I have ever been to - not religious but with true sentiments. Her son said a few words about her and we sang "Thank you for the music" he told us that his Mother had left just enough money for everyone to go and have a drink on her afterwards, but she also asked that everybody at her   funeral  went from there that day and each did two kind acts for  other human beings in her name. We all went from the funeral with a "buzz" and got more of a buzz when we honoured those wishes!
Later I was asked to speak at a friends funeral and I suggested the same thing, everyone felt a lift at the idea. I wonder how many people have benefitted from Enid's kindness? The knock on effect could be enormous!
I think about my youngest son who, though disabled,  shares his little bit  of money with his favourite animal sanctuaries and supports anything and everything that he possibly can.
My husband who very often does a free art "workshop" for patients in a local hospice and tells us how wonderful it is to see  those patients create something beautiful to lift their "spirits"
When I was teaching in Yorkshire a while ago, I came across a lovely little cafe where they encouraged everyone to "pay it forward" to pay for someone else to have something to eat!They also have a flower shop attatched , and they had a scheme where you could donate a little money  so that someone could pay for  funeral flowers  who perhaps couldn't afford them. It was a very uplifting and happy little place!
None of these  people acted  in the name of any god, but because it was  just natural  and uplifting to do so! 
I bet everyone reading this can think of many wonderful acts by ordinary people just because they are human!
And yet we continue to give endless charitable money to religious organisations!! Secular activities  are not nearly as recognised.
That is why the "Godless Grace foundation" is unique and exciting. There are so many wonderful people who are making our world a richer and nicer place.
We don't need a religion to show us how to be kind,we just need to be human beings!

www.ggfsupport.org

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Hyper Vigilant Survivor

                   

 I am very often  asked "How we can identify someone who has been abused?"
 How can you spot one of us in your world? What kind of traits are “typical”?

Well on the surface, we are not going to look any different than any one else, and remember, we are very good at imitating people, and changing our skins to suit our environment.That has become a necessity for our survival.

We come from every corner of this world, so we will be different colours, speak different languages, be different ages, education, family background,  and have many and varying “symptoms’ of our abuses.

We may be the prisoner in front of you in the Maximum security prison, who has never talked about what drove him to murder.

We may be the client who comes to you for counselling for her eating disorder, his depression, difficulties with sexuality, relationships, anger. Often our abuses are the last things we will talk about, and we may have come to you for a variety of “other” reasons.

We may be in hospital being “dried out”, having our  stomach pumped after taking pills, having an operation for ulcers, we may have high blood pressure, heart disease cancer.

We may  be sitting in AA rooms blaming ourselves for all our character defects, we may be a rebellious teenager, an angry disappointed pensioner, we may be male or female, loud or quiet.

We may be promiscuous  or frigid, we may paranoid,even psychotic .

We may be pathetically  religious, or vehemently atheist.

We might  have a “normal” veneer and  might even be very successful in our own fields.

The point is that we are everywhere, wherever that wretched  church has had it’s hooks and reached it’s tentacles.

We will have one thing in common, and that is that the rug of our security was pulled very violently from underneath us, at a time when we were still malleable,and easily damaged,  and that damage will inevitably have changed the course of our lives. 

There was a time for all of us when we were isolated in some way, either by our indoctrination, our geography, or our disabilities, we may have been “groomed” for years, or just weeks,  and like the weakest of the wildebeest, opportunistically we  were picked off by the predatory pedophile.

In some cruel way, we were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and we now have a lifetime legacy, which will definitely manifest in some way.

It is not possible to be abused by a priest, and bear no scars. We are all a sum total of our genetic makeup  and life’s experiences, and that particular experience is a life changing, life threatening experience, and has huge impact.

How that manifests will depend on other things,  what age we are, how old we were at the time of our abuses.We may have managed to survive till old age, ruminating and wishing that it  had been possible to speak earlier before  taking our secrets to the grave, or if we are  young, maybe disturbed, biting our nails, maybe self harming, using drugs, having  inappropriate sexual language, maybe unable to speak at all. 

We will nearly all have an overdeveloped sense shame and guilt, feel  obsessive obligations towards family or others, but we will very probably hate authority. 

We often  find it difficult to get out of destructive relationships, or dangerous situations.

We may be fearful or defensive.

The point is that  it is almost impossible  to give a definitive description.

Perhaps if we were to pick  one thing which is a very common trait it would be
Hyper vigilance  

I am very conscious of my own “hyper-vigilance” and spent a long time trying to change it!

But as with a lot  of these things that I have tried to change, I have come to realise that when I can’t do that, then  I have to transform it in some way, embrace the shit  and make it into useful manure.

Hyper-vigilance is not a “defect” in fact it is a quite normal and appropriate response to a life threatening situation. We were  exposed to that which is life threatening, and thereafter we have come to see the world as a dangerous place. We are constantly on our guard!
 It is a survival skill. If there is one thing that someone who has been abused fears more than anything it is to be abused again! Nature has given us these survival skills to combat further threats.

However, as with many things that begin as an advantage, as we get older, and when the real threat is perhaps not quite as imminent, that constant feeling of impending disaster can sometimes become a disadvantage. 

We are all different,our triggers are personal and unique, and our response to threat is equally so.

My own “Betes Noir” these days is constantly focused around exploitation, and “cons” -  I have a nose for them, a hatred of them, and a cynical wariness that sometimes does not endear me to people, but has nearly always  proven correct and has served me well!

All of my upbringing was a part of that wariness, not only the hypocrisy of the catholic indoctrination, the greedy pedophile priest, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but the lifetime of lies, damn lies and half truths spun by the church and my adopted family.

My mother was a consummate “con” she was always acting,you never really knew who she was,  her veneers would change depending on who she was trying to impress. She worked in a  family run shop, and they would all often joke that “She could sell fridges to eskimos”! They thought it highly amusing that she could, and would sell things to people that didn’t fit, that they didn’t want and then boast about it! 
They  even boasted how she had "converted" people to catholicism on their deathbeds! It made me cringe.

The family imperative to keep all the “nasties” out of view and keep the sainted veneers for the sake of “mother church” further nauseated me.

I am therefore, unfortunately,  always on the lookout for the “cons” and I am told It annoys people, but there you go!

If they were not there I would not need to watch out  for them.

So here in this blog if you  find that I have a  cynicism and abject abhorrence of all things “con” like, I will make no excuses for that, it has been born of my experiences.

I hate for example the “cottage industry “ that has sprung up around these abuse tragedies! Everyone, it seems, wants "piece of the action!!! "

That is why I will strive to empower my fellow survivors rather than those who exploit them! 

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Another vatican invasion!

pope in the USA!

As the smiley faced vatican snake and his minions invade the USA today, I am sending love to all my brave clergy abuse survivor friends over there, 
and the love and support of the TWENTY THOUSAND people who marched in London in protest against the last incumbent invading OUR country!

It was a life changing event for me, to see how many of my fellow countrymen and women came out in absolute revulsion of that visit, I have never seen anything quite like it. I was terrified but very honoured to make the rallying speech to begin that amazing  march, and they dedicated it to the survivors of catholic clergy abuse!

But we came for many reasons - in solidarity against the vatican’s appalling attitude to LGBT rights, especially as Benedict had said that “Homosexuality was as damaging to the World as destruction of the rain forests!! (WTF!)

Didn’t Sir Ian McEllen  put our thoughts about  that  so beautifully!

We came to protest at their dreadful and ignorant attitude towards women and their rights- Who could forget Kate Smurthwaite’s  “delicate" refrain :

“Get your rosary’s off our ovaries”! or the “gentle” melody  “Keep your hands off our eggs-Benedict”!

We also came as taxpayers, incensed that we should be expected to pay for this pantomime, and for rolling out the red carpet for such hypocrites and criminals.

There were many people to thank for that day, the wonderful Peter Tatchell as always, and many more,  in fact everyone who marched and contributed.There had been much  planning and organising I am sure.

BUT the man who made this all possible was the wonderful, beautiful and humble Marco Tranchino, I wonder if he realises how he helped to change the World? He certainly changed mine! 

As the last pope flew into our country to be feted and grovelled to he had the nerve to say that he felt he was “flying into a moral wasteland”!!!

And one of our very creative banner makers had the perfect answer to that!

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

"Nobody Came"

Just back from a week on Jersey! Beautiful island, and one we have been visiting for thirty years.

Gez booked this as a sort of “rest cure” for me after being so poorly!

Needless to say we had a great time, good food, great weather lots of walking with Buddy and wonderful scenery.

But don’t worry I am not going to show you my holiday snaps or bore you with all of the details!

I am mentioning it because even on holiday the childhood abuse issues never leave me.

I was chatting to two elderly Jersey born  ladies near the beach one day, and after they told me how fed up they were with the freezing in pensions and the rent increases etc. the subject turned to childhood abuse.

Hardly surprising when there has been a lot of dreadful abuse history on that island, specifically in the children’s home  “Haute de la Garenne” and and the  “Sacre Coeur” orphanage.

The ladies did not know anything about me or my involvement with this cause, so it was good to listen to unguarded reports from local people who know a lot more than the media

They told me that it was “common knowledge” that certain “celebrities went over to the island and abused children, that it was “well known” that the nuns were prize bitches and were cruel and abusive to the children, and the priests sexually abused them.They talked about children who had “gone missing” a similar story heard in  other parts of the world. They said they were terrified that their own children and grandchildren were sent to be “educated”  in certain schools because of their appalling reputation, and they told me of a book :

"NO-ONE CAME” written by Robbie Garner a survivor of these dreadful creatures, which is NOT AVAILABLE to buy on Jersey!! (one of them had discovered Amazon and so had got it that way!) They say it is banned on their Island! the implication being that there are still people who want this all covered up.

They talked about Jimmy Saville’s crimes and how he was a prolific offender on Jersey, and they said how all of this was always a very guarded and covered up affair.They mentioned other names too.

They suggested that people were only “coming forward” now after Saville because of money! And this  is a view held by many people who don’t understand why coming forward often takes decades and more often than not never happens. Money is very rarely  the catalyst, but even if it were, it would be perfectly  acceptable to expect proper redress from the criminals and their protectors that have caused lives to be destroyed. 

But It was at this point that I  had to declare myself! , what I do and why this is an erroneous and unfair  assumption. What exactly it takes to speak out and why it often takes so long, what actually has happened to that human being and why they deserve a voice.

This is one of the reasons why we survivors need to talk about our “stuff” - who else is going to set these records straight? We are, after all, the only ones who reallyunderstand the issues, although plenty of people have opinions!.

We talked for a long time, they were both mothers and grandmothers and actually quite delightful.They realised the issues were a lot more complex and difficult than they had thought, and made me promise to buy this book and tell others about it.

It was a lovely connection, and I said I would look them both up next time I was there.

This is a beautiful island, and close to my heart. But I can see how easy it would have been for predatory pedophiles to abuse children who were so isolated, and quite often in the grip of the church! Similarly I grew up in an isolated seaside community, a vulnerable child in an isolated community is always a sitting target!

I hope as survivors we can continue to shine a spotlight into these dark and sinister corners and bring all this filth out into the light where it can be seen and where decent ordinary people like these two grandmothers will feel such revulsion that they will join our cause and make these criminals pay for their crimes and make sure future children are protected. I had a good holiday!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nobody-Came-appalling-brothers-cruelly/dp/0007287968

Sunday, 30 August 2015

Dead from "Natural causes"!!

Archbishop Josef Wesolowski leads a Mass in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, in 2013  Photo: AP

Wesolowski, who was due to stand trial on charges of paying boys to perform sexual acts, downloading and buying paedophile material, and offending Christian morality, appeared to have died of natural causes, the Vatican said in a statement.

"In the early hours of this morning S.E. Mons. Jozef Wesołowski, a papal nuncio, was found deceased in his Vatican residence," the Vatican said.

The statement suggested his death was a result of natural causes. "Vatican authorities intervened immediately for first verifications, which indicate his death was due to natural causes."

Well well well!  theres a surprise!

You could almost write the bloody script!

How "natural " was this very timely demise?!! It certainly wouldn't be the first that has been dubious!

But then what the hell DOES  this  church know about "natural"?

They have the sickly audacity to refer to gay marriage as "not natural" and yet they seem to think that enforced celibacy is "natural"??

They say that constantly giving birth to endless children in poverty is "natural" 

They would have us  believe that eating the body and blood of a crucified man is "natural" 

They like to tell us how to "naturally" use our bodies, our minds and even our money!

They congratulate themselves (naturally!)  for eventually (just this year!) recognising child abuse as a crime?

They still, however,  believe it is ok to brain wash and terrify children form birth -How  bloody "natural" is that!

How "natural" is it to tell children that their only purpose in this life  is to serve god and wait for   their reward in the "next life" To keep them terrified of exclusion and hell fire and damnation? 

How "natural" to abuse their innocent bodies and assassinate their spirit?

How "natural" were the suicides  of all of those people abused in their childhood by pedophiles like this man and the subsequent degradation of being dismissed or even called liars  by this dreadful organisation.

How "natural" is it to have our lives destroyed by them?

How "natural" to have sustained brain damage and have a shortened life span because of them?

How "natural" is it to receive this life sentence for no other reason than being vulnerable, in the wrong place at the wrong time and easy prey for these creeps.

With what this church knows about "natural" I think someone should have insisted that this Post Mortem was carried out by a SECULAR independent body just to see exactly how bloody natural it was! 

Because with their track record, most of us (quite naturally) don't believe a word they say!

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Dear Steven Fry

Dear Steven Fry,

You are a very much loved “National Treasure” (don’t you just hate that phrase!!)

But in your case it is true, you are respected and admired by thousands, including me, In fact I  have a great fondness for you, love your wit and humour , read your books, and support most of your views and thoughts.

I know that thousands of people listen to your opinions and in that way you have a great deal of influence. I am also pleased that you are a fellow Humanist and embrace that movement.

So I am saddened to hear from many of my very angryfellow Australian Survivors of catholic clergy abuse , that you went on Australian Television this week  and said you thought that francis was a “ good pope” !(an oxymoron if ever I heard one!) ????

 Surely this cannot be true? Hopefully this is yet another case of misquotation? Perhaps taken very much “out of context”? Maybe even “Chinese whispers”?

Surely you couldn’t possibly have fallen for the francis PR roadshow? 

I know you are not a gullible man, and I know too you are honourable, so this can’t be right?

I cannot either believe you prescribe to the “Two blokes in the pub” way of forming opinions? 

Do you not know what this man has been, and continues to be responsible for? I am sure you can’t otherwise you would not have made such a faux pas. It just is not like you!

My fellow survivors have asked me to point out these facts to you, and they begged me to try and get their thoughts to you personally which I will also do.

These are some of the things they want to tell you, I could add many  more too! francis has MUCH to answer for - right back to Argentina!

 One Survivor, a good friend of mine said this

 “Fry has got to know Francis is the worst pope, he hides this evil under a caring facade. If anything I'd rather the others such as Benedict, as he just can't help to show his evil. PLUS, Francis has protected Pell in the Vatican.”

http://www.ntnews.com.au/news/national/pope-francis-has-not-shown-leadership/story-fnjbnvyj-1227496721601

http://www.smh.com.au/national/vatican-rebuffs-justice-peter-mcclellan-on-sex-abuse-files-20140705-3bf51.html

Monday August 24, 2015  Media Statement by Nicky Davis, Leader, SNAP Australia (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests)  Damning evidence of church/police corruption, and popes, including Francis, neglecting duty of care Evidence today at the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse from retired Bishop Geoffrey Robinson delivered admissions of high level Catholic Church collusion with a former NSW police commissioner, which resulted in priests being above the law; and callous neglect of child safety by senior Vatican officials, including all recent popes. Survivors are stunned that any Bishop, even a terminally ill one, would reveal some of the truth that most church officials work so hard to conceal, but not really surprised by the contents of those revelations. Among Bishops Robinson’s revelations are: A church enforcer colluding with the police commissioner on the orders of the cardinal to obstruct and undermine our laws and ensure priests corruptly escape being held accountable for their crimes. A series of popes up to the present day unable or unwilling to protect children and more concerned with enforcing their religious rites than preventing a lifetime of suffering or even suicide death being imposed on millions of innocents around the world. Australian church officials whose priority in dealing with these crimes is PR, hiding evidence from scrutiny and avoiding scandal, with zero consideration to the harm suffered by victims and our families, and almost zero concern for protecting additional children from harm. A very high level Vatican meeting on abuse in 2000 largely featured those with minimal or no expertise in this area, and which exposed a serious lack of appropriate responses to these crimes. Bishop Robinson’s evidence supports the position of SNAP in 2014 that questioned the suitability of declaring JPII a saint, when as pope he enjoyed more than a quarter of a century of absolute power and extreme wealth, yet lifted not a finger to prevent or assuage the suffering of millions of sexually violated children. Today’s evidence also informs the question of whether anything has actually changed under Pope Francis’ rule, and whether anything is likely to change in the near future. Unfortunately based on Bishop Robinson’s evidence the answer to both is no. Today’s evidence will hopefully raise serious questions about the need for more detailed investigation into these many crimes and their cover up than the Royal Commission can provide, and the need to reconsider the suitability of the Catholic Church and other abusive institutions to provide social services to vulnerable populations, or receive taxpayer funding.  
   
I could go on! 

So please Steven, if you really want to know how "good" this PR pope is- talk to us, or better still listen to us! 

PLEASE don’t be added to the list of people who are taken in by the marketing hype of the smily faced snake in the vatican! 

You are in a position to say so much to so many, I do not believe you would want to damage those  many people who have already been so badly damaged. 

You,  along with Chris Hitchens  admirably and forcibly won the debate when you opposed the motion “The catholic church is a force for good” 

You knew it was not then, and it IS not now, nothing has changed. This man is NOT what he seems - PLEASE make sure you get this one right. It matters so very much to so many of us.

I do not want to take you off my list of heros!

Sunday, 23 August 2015

Same Shit Different day!

I never know wether to laugh or cry when I hear yet another ridiculous outpouring of utter crap from the catholic church.

I am sickened yet again by their  arrogance and inability to comprehend the damage that they have  actually caused to survivors of clergy abuse.

The Scottish church, and the McLellan enquiry once again, sidelining the issues and desperately trying to come out of the shit smelling of violets.

Here are their  “ recommendations”

2. The Scottish church had to make support for victims of abuse “an absolute priority”, including a full public apology. (WTF! WHY OH WHY DO THEY STILL THINK THAT THESE MEANINGLESS AND POINTLESS “APOLOGIES” ARE ANYTHING OTHER THAN OFFENSIVE????  WHY, OH WHY, DO SOME “VICTIMS”  EVEN STILL SETTLE FOR THIS PATRONISING DISMISSAL ? 
3. The church should set up a fund to pay for counselling for abuse victims. (WTFFFFFF!!!!! THE IDEA OF “COUNSELLING” BEING THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING  HAS REALLY GOT TO BE CHALLENGED! SURVIVORS OF ABUSE HAVE SUFFERED GRAVE AND PERMANENT DAMAGE, IN OUR BRAINS, IMMUNE SYSTEMS AND EVEN METABOLIC SYSTEMS.THAT DAMAGE CAN EVEN BE PASSED ON TIO THE NEXT GENERATION AND THE NEXT..... RESEARCH HAS SHOWN THAT WE HAVE A SHORTENED LIFE SPAN, AND ARE LIABLE TO COMMIT SUICIDE, WE HAVE MANY PHYSICAL PROBLEMS AS WELL AS THE UNDERSTATED MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL DIFFICULTIES, WE OFTEN HAVE DAMAGED RELATIONSHIPS, INABILITY TO DEAL WITH AUTHORITY, MISTRUST, PARANOIA FEAR , SHAME AND INAPPROPRIATE GUILT.WE HAVE OFTEN HAD OUR EDUCATION INTERRUPTED OR ABANDONED, WE MAY HAVE SKETCHY WORK HISTORIES, RARELY HAVE PENSIONS OR SAVINGS, AND STILL WE HAVE SURVIVED!!!!WE HAVE STRENGTH, YES WE HAVE “ HYPER-VIGILANCE”  BECAUSE WE HAVE HAD GOOD REASON , BUT WE ARE SURVIVORS! AND WE HAVE SKILLS THAT OTHERS CANNOT BEGIN TO IMAGINE! SO SET UP YOUR “FUND” BY ALL MEANS, BUT MAKE IT FOR THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF POUNDS THAT YOU OWE TO EACH SURVIVOR TO MAKE AMENDS ,NOT FOR A FEW QUID TO SALVE YOUR CONSCIENCE AND TO APPEAR COMPASSIONATE OR  FOR SOME CONDESCENDING DO GOODER TO BECOME A “LISTENING BUDDY” NOR FOR YET ANOTHER OF THESE WRETCHED  CHARITIES TO SKIM OFF SOME INCOME FOR THEMSELVES, BUT TO MAKE AMENDS FOR LIVES DESTROYED!!!!!  IT MAY WELL BE THAT SOME PEOPLE WANT, AND PERHAPS NEED THERAPY, BUT THAT SHOULD BETHEIR CHOICE! PERHAPS THEY WOULD PREFER TO SPEND THEIR TIME AND THE MONEY LYING ON A BEACH OR DRIVING A PORSCHE! IF I HAD BEEN GIVEN WHAT WAS REALLY DUE TO ME MANY YEARS AGO I WOULD HAVE DRUNK MYSELF TO DEATH BY NOW.BUT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN  MYCHOICE, MY RIGHT TO GET IT WRONG AND MY RIGHT TO TELL THESE DUPLICITOUS NARCISSISTS TO SHUT THE F... UP!

2. The church had to stop pretending that different dioceses and religious orders were autonomous when it came to upholding its rules on abuse. (NO SHIT SHERLOCK! )
3. The duty of bishops in protecting and helping victims needed to be explicitly set out in the church’s guidelines on “awareness and safety”.(OH PLEASE! )
4. The church needed independent, external scrutiny of its safeguarding policies and their effectiveness to end the practice of the church policing itself. (AND THAT MUSTBE SECULAR!)
5. The church had to be far more rigorous in making sure all its priests and staff had the correct training in preventing abuse and safeguarding.(BY WHOM? THEMSELVES? OR SOME TAME -IN THE PAY OF THE POPE -"VICTIM" GROUP?)
6. Bishops and priests had to stop appearing to blame victims for their abuse.(APPEARING? APPEARING? WTF ! THAT HAS BEEN THEIR FIRST AND CONSISTANT RESPONSE TO MOST SURVIVORS!---ALL OVER THE WORLD!)

The report stated: “Justice must be done, and justice must be seen to be done, for those who have been abused and for those against whom allegations of abuse are made.”(JUSTICE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST THEM? WTF!! THIS IS NOT A COLLABORATION!!! JUSTICE NEEDS TO BE DONE FOR THE VICTIMS OF THESE CRIMINALS! END OF!)

It added: “There are clearly parishes in which commitment to safeguarding is still resisted because of complacency and lack of interest.” (AND ARROGANCE AND NARCISSISM)

McLellan said three things had to happen. “First, and most important, a beginning will be made to heal the hurt and address the anger which survivors feel,” he said.(PATRONISING, CONDESCENDING CRAP! THESE CREEPS CANNOT BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THE HURT OR THE ANGER! AND THE CHURCH CAN PLAY NO PART IN HEALING-THEY ARE THE PERPETRATORS!!)

“Second, the Catholic church in Scotland will confront a dark part of its past and find some healing for itself. Third, a significant step will be taken in restoring public credibility for the Catholic church. (THIS IS THE BIT TO LAUGH AT! IT HAS NO CREDIBILITY!! HEAL ISELF???? HEAL ITSELF?? BUT  OF COURSE, THAT IS WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT! )

I have decided that crying is more appropriate!

Thursday, 23 July 2015

SMILE!

                                   SMILE!!

There’s no doubt that humour is one of the best medicines we have. It is a bit like our brain having it’s own pharmacy! It releases endorphins and serotonin, natures own “feel good”  to numb pain and lift our spirits.

Laughter provides a good “workout” - nothing like a good belly laugh to exercise the diaphragm, contracts the abdominal and shoulder muscles and is even a good workout for the  heart!

We sometimes use it as an antidote to negative emotions like anger and guilt, even better than just a distraction.

research shows us that using humour gives us a better perspective to life’s challenges,making things seem less threatening.

But more than anything the brain can’t distinguish between a real smile or a fake one ! so fake it till you make it!

So even if at the moment we don’t seem to have much to laugh  about,we can hijack the brain’s natural pharmacy and make use of nature’s very own balm! 

Just firming your muscles of your face into the shape of a smile will make a difference to your mood.The brain will respond to that muscle change as a signal to release those “feel-good” chemicals.
I sometimes do this when I am driving my car! I get some strange looks from other drivers!But it helps ME!

So even if you feel silly, start to put a big grin on your face , tell your brain you need some happiness and it will send you some medicine. And it is Free!!