I was reprimanded recently by someone (who isn't a survivor I might add!) for saying that apologies from the perpetrators of abuse are demeaning!
She even said I should be "ashamed of myself" for saying it!!
Well I stand by every word! And then some!
She pointed out that she has read somewhere that some survivors are quoted as saying "All I want is an apology"
Well that is hardly surprising, when they are so downtrodden and disempowered that they really believe that is the best they can expect!
They have been subjugated by power abuse, especially with clergy abuse survivors, and become so bloody grateful for even a crumb.
These "apologies", often dragged screaming out of the mouths of pedophiles are meaningless and offensive!
They only serve the perpetrators further as they hang their heads in fake contrition patting themselves on the back for saying "sorry"and feeling that they are then atoning for their crimes.
The victim of those crimes, however, is still left with a lifetime's legacy!
"Sorry" will NOT take away the night terrors,
Will not remove the feelings of self loathing, the low self esteem, the alienation.
Sorry will not enable us to create better relationships, will not make up for for missing education, sober us up from our addictions, repair the damage done to our brains and immune systems, will not allow us to reclaim the 20 years
loss of our life expectancy, heal our minds and emotions and often our bodies.
And when we don't accept one of their pathetic fake apologies, we become the ungrateful ones!!!
I remember when I first approached the church many years ago, that most sanctimonious arse Vincent Nichols sent me a letter saying he was "sorry" it had happened to me.
The rather inept safeguarding person from Birmingham had announced quite ceremoniously that I could expect it by post! She even said that he might normally have "seen" me, but obviously couldn't as he was on his way to take up his cardinals position!(Like I wanted to see the idiot)
It came on a Westminster Cathedral embossed sheet, looking very pretty- and they honestly believed that would be the end of it!!! FF's sake!
IT WENT STRAIGHT IN THE BIN!
While we are struggling and trying to make a life out of a wreckage, sense out of insanity, a way out of misery, the smug, unrepentant criminals and their protectors draw a line under their crimes, and rather like "Little Jack Horner"say "What a good boy am I"!
Stick their apologies!!